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Friday Special Tickle your funny bone...

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  #256  
Old January 26th, 2016, 07:11 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

One thing is common between Salman's films and judiciary. Both are sold out!



Bhai had a driverless car in 2002..in your face google!!! #SalmanVerdict



So, neither @BeingSalmanKhan nor his driver was driving the car.I didn't know autopilot car exists in India #SalmanVerdict .


So, India's driverless car was actually invented back in 2002!? Take that Google and Tesla! #SalmanVerdict #nonsense


2002 was actually the first season of How To Get Away With Murder.


Finally we know ! The car was drunk . #SalmanVerdict


Car was definitely drunk. Much like the chinkara committed suicide. #SalmanVerdict


India saw its first driverless car much before Google ever thought about it . . . . #SalmanVerdict



टीचर: सलमान भाई के केस से तुम्हें क्या सबक़ मिला बच्चों?
बच्चे: दारू चाहे सस्ती पियो, वक़ील महँगा होना चाहिये!

सलमान को यदि-कदी भी,..... जो,...... पनिश्मेंट होती ना,.....तोह, मेरा तोह,
पैसे पर से विश्वास, बिलकुल उठ जाता !




आज आँख क्यों भर आयो ?........ पायो,.. हाँ पायो,.... मैंने,... प्रेम-रतन धन पायो,.....
जब कोर्ट ने ढेर सारो धन खायो,.....
पायो,.. हाँ पायो,.... मैंने,.......
तभी तोह,..प्रेम-रतन घर आयो,.. !!

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  #257  
Old March 5th, 2016, 04:52 AM
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kalidas kalidas is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Teacher: Your son has failed See his report.
Eng-20
Math-15
Hindi-18
Phy-13
Chem-15
SSt. - 17
Total-98

Santa: Total me toh kamaal hi kar diya..
Is Subject ka Teacher kaun hai !
__________________

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  #258  
Old March 5th, 2016, 10:00 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

आज जिस तरह लड़कियां अपने बॉयफ्रेंड से मोबाइल रिचार्ज
कराती है,मुगलकाल मे लड़किया अपने बॉयफ्रेंड से कबूतरो के
लिए दाना खरीदवाती थी
- सूत्र



शॉपिंग महँगी ब्यूटी पार्लर महंगा..
रेस्तरां महंगा ज्वेलरी महंगी..



न बीबी रखी है ..
न रखने दूंगा ...
Narendra modi.. बजट 2016...



एक पंजाबी ने चाइना में चाय की दुकान खोली।
नाम रखा :
"पंजाब टी स्टाल"

दुकान ज्यादा दिनों तक नहीं चली। तो किसी ने सलाह दी कि अगर चाइना में तरक्की करनी है तो नाम भी चाइनीज रखो।


अब उसकी दुकान अच्छी चल रही है। क्योंकि दुकान का नाम रखा है :
"कोसी कोसी चा, फू फू कर पी"
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  #259  
Old March 5th, 2016, 10:01 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

भारत में रेल की पटरियों का अमूल्य योगदान रहा है ...
कभी लोग लोटा लेकर बैठ जाते हैं,
कभी कोटा ले कर ...





which bank is like your great-grandmother?

i c i c i - aai chi aai chi aai (maa ki maa ki maa)




संता एक सॉफ्टवेर कंपनी में अपना इंटरव्यू देने जाता है।

इंटरव्यू लेने वाला:

JAVA के कोई चार Version बताओ ?

संता:
1. मर JAVA !!!
2. मिट JAVA !!!
3. मैं सदके JAVA !!!
और
4. लुट JAVA !!!

इंटरव्यू लेने वाला:
बल्ले बल्ले अब तुस्सी घर JAVA !!!
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  #260  
Old March 5th, 2016, 10:03 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Doctor : BP kitna hai??
pinto : 5 GB .
Doctor : nikalo isse yahan se



Shouty


neha : wow di, finally Leonardo DiCaprio won oscar
sush: Ya behna thats great�
Inbox
neha : Di ye Oscar kya hota hai?
sush: U S ka Veerta puraskar
Aakhir Titanic mein
Usne ladki ki jaan bachayi thi





Boy : Kaam kesa chal rha hai aaj kal?
Girl : Kaam kum hai....bethe-bethe kursi tod rhi hu aajkal
Boy : Aa jao....palang
hai ��

BLOCKED
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  #261  
Old March 5th, 2016, 10:06 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Satire of Today,...

forwarded message -

Believed Airlift was based on True Events almost till the end ....but then they showed hot, young & polite Airhostess in an Air India flight and realised it was a fiction.




An Interesting Survey Report:
If Men behaved after marriage, the same way they behaved before marriage - Half of the divorces would not take place

However, on the other hand,
If Women behaved before marriage, the same way they behaved after marriage - Half of the marriages would NOT have taken place [IMG]********************************forums/images/smilies/emembarrassed.gif[/IMG]





Husband : Now second person helmet compulsory rule has been applied in Tamil Nadu
Wife : Next weekend we have to buy helmets for all my matching dresses.

**Husband sold his bike.




Shaitan bachche


एक बार एक husband और wife बगीचे मे हाथ मे हाथ डाले घूम रहे थे
उसी टाइम एक शरारती बच्चा वहा से गुजरा और बोला


"अंकल, कल वाली ज्यादा मस्त थी।"


husband चार दिन से ख़ाली पेट बगीचे में उस बच्चे को ढूंढ रहा है।
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  #262  
Old March 5th, 2016, 10:08 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

After Rajnikanth, Alok nath & Alia bhatt, it's time for Arnab Goswami series.....
��

After creating this complex world, GOD was worried, who will decide what is RIGHT and what is WRONG ?
So he created ARNAB GOSWAMI.
��

Arnab Goswami might probably be the only guy in this world to fight with his wife & win
��

If we could place a mini turbine inside Arnab Goswami's throat, the resultant electricity can power the entire Times group building.
��

Arnab Goswami is inversly proportional to Manmohan Singh
��

If you find Arnab Goswami's pic with his mouth closed, then that camera has a very good shutter speed.
��

Arnab Goswami is fluent in English & weak in grammar becoz he does not use full stop or comma
��

From the moon you can see the great wall of china and hear Arnab Goswami shouting "The nation wants to know"
��

Proposed airport near Times Now studio cancelled as noise from newshour could weaken the structure and intercept signals
��

When Arnab Goswami says "I will speak now" , everyone looks puzzled , wondering who was speaking till now
��

Whats the similarity between Arnab Goswami & google?
Both interrupt you before you complete the sentence
��

"Arnab Goswami's son seems to have tattooed on his hand 'Mera baap Shor hai'..
��


6iiixer of the day :

Preity Zinta is not just Preity Good....she is now Preity "Good Enough".....Her name is going to be a complete intended pun....
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  #263  
Old March 8th, 2016, 06:00 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

रामचन्द्र जी कह गए सिया से, ऐसा कलयुग आएगा ।
देशभक्त सुनेंगे ताने-तुनके, देशद्रोही हीरो बन जाएगा




सरकार, मंत्री, सन्तरी, पुलिस, विपक्ष सभी कन्हैया में इतने व्यस्त है कि
.
पकिस्तान को खुद बताना पड़ रहा है भाई आंतकी भेजे है ,फुर्सत मिले तो देख लेना।





Come 2098 And Facebook Will Have More Profiles Of Dead People Than Those Living!
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  #264  
Old March 11th, 2016, 11:06 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Vidya Raman P A‎ to The Iyer - Iyengar Network

All Vijay Mallya needs right now is a statement saying he was harassed by Modi and he's left India due to "Intolerance"

- Nitish Kumar will immediately make him "Bihar ka beta"

- Communist Party will announce him as next "Star Campaigner" in West Bengal.

- Rahul Gandhi and Kejriwal will personally visit his London Home and claim how Modi Govt is killing all such "honest businessman"
.
- Barkha Dutt will visit his home in London and find out that he cannot even manage a decent meal.

And finally,
- JNU students will shout slogans - "Mallya hum sharminda hain, tujhe loan dene wale abhi jinda hain"

__________________
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself.
- Galileo Galilei
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  #265  
Old March 11th, 2016, 02:16 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Super Satires time,.. Jokes of Today....


Josť Covaco ✔‎@HoeZaay

Sri Sri. - Art of Living.
Vijay Mallya. - Art of Leaving.
Our Banks - Art of Giving.



GRV ‎@MildlyClassic

Vijay Mallya should change his name to Vijay No Maal Ya.




Nigel Britto ‎@NigelBritto

#VijayMallya:
Then: UB Group.
Now: Hindustan Leaver.



Ramesh Srivats ✔‎@rameshsrivats

Would be nice if Lalit Modi & Vijay Mallya hang out together in London.
Two NRIs - A Non-Returning Indian and a Non-Repaying Indian.



SBI: We'll file a case against Vijay Mallya
ED: Mallya Siphoned money
SC: Vijay Mallya can't use money
Vijay Mallya : xo xo



Vijay Mallya has learnt his lessons from Subrata Roy Sahara's mistakes.
When the going gets tough, the rich get going (to London).



SBI - Please repay your loan amount

Vijay Mallya - Abhi lunch hai, baad me aana



सुना था बर्बाद कर देती है 'शराब' हर पीने वाले को.....��

पहली बार बेचने वाला (माल्या) 'दिवालिया' हुआ है ........����






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  #266  
Old March 22nd, 2016, 01:54 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Uh ! No one posting here, except me?


सेल्फ़ी लेते टाइम लड़की का
और
बीड़ी सुलगाते टाइम आदमी का मुंह एक जैसा
होता ह



"All men are same"

Invented by a Chinese woman, after losing her husband in market



SBI वाले अपने लंच को लेकर इतने स्ट्रीक्ट रहते है
,कि अगर विजय माल्या 7000cr चुकाने लंच
टाइम पर आ जाए, तो उससे भी कह देंगे लंच के
बाद आना



अगर गर्लफ्रेंड आपको मैच के बीच में एक बार भी
फोन करके तंग न करे..
तो समझ जाओ..
कमेंट्री उसको कोई और सुना रहा है..!



Foreign girl: hey M feeling horny, plz come home n make love wid me...
Indian girl: रंगीला रे तेरे रंग से युं रंगा है मेरा मन, छलिया रे किसी जल से ना बुझे है ये जलन।



अजीब दस्तूर है ज़माने का...
अच्छी यादें पेनड्राइव में |
और...
बुरी यादें दिल में रखते हैं ||

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  #267  
Old March 22nd, 2016, 01:56 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Yesterday pinto got a message from a girl......
MYSPACEBARISNOTWORKINGCANYOUGIVEMEANALTERNATIVE

pinto is still searching for the meaning of TERNATIVE?

PS- Read the above lines again




BREAKING NEWS...


Central govt has BANNED Newly Married Couples from going Abroad for Honeymoon...������


...Modi says "MAKE IN INDIA" �




Big B paid for Aftab
Shivdasaniís ticket so that Abhishek
Bachchan isnít the least-known
celebrity in the stadium.
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  #268  
Old March 22nd, 2016, 01:56 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Comments - 4 लडकियाँ
एक साथ बैठ के
बोल सकती है की
.
-तेरा भाई
मस्त दिखता है।
पहचान तो करा दे !
.
पर
.
4 लड़के
एक साथ बैठ के
कभी नहीं बोल सकेंगे की
.
-तेरी बहन
मस्त सुंदर है ,
पहचान करा दे ।
.
ये होते है
लडको के संस्कार ,
जो सिर्फ लडको में ,
देखने को मिलते है।

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  #269  
Old March 24th, 2016, 01:13 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

padhai karo, fail hone se mat daro
line maaro, chhappal khane se mat daro
propose karo, NA se mat daro

Kyounki, Geeta me likha hai
KARM KIYE JA, PHAL KI CHINTA NA KAR



अगर मुझे मोदीजी से मिलने का कभी
.
.
मौका मिले तो सबसे पहले मैं यही पूछूँगा की
.
.
.
.
सर आप बिना दारु पिए ‪#‎मन_की_बात‬ कैसे कर लेते हैं ������



अजीब उलझन है !

वो कहती है "पीना छोडो तुम्हें मेरी कसम "

दोस्त कहते हैं पीना पडेगा साले तूझे भाभी जी की कसम!

����
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  #270  
Old March 24th, 2016, 01:15 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Joke for Today!

Harsha Bhogle asking Afridi : What do you think?
Where did it go wrong ?




Afridi : 1947





उसे सविता भाभी पसंद हैं
उसे सन्नी लेओने भी पसंद है
उसे मीरा खान भी पसंद हैं
उसे नर्गिस फाकरी भी पसंद हैं
उसे जेनिलिजा डिसुजा भी पसंद है
. . . . . . .


humra ECharchan sec(x)ular hai






Lady In bus: U R touching ur thing 2 me

Man: Sorry,its my salary in my pocket

Lady: I am noticing. U got salary hike 5 times In last ten
mins.
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