Is it possible to share happiness/sadness?

[ALBERT PINTO]

While attending funerals; is it possible to be really sad in somebody’s moment of sadness? Is it possible to feel someone else’s sadness in same depth and intensity? Or is it that we put a sad face but deep down think, thank god, it didn’t happen to me.

If the above question is too dark, let me put in another situation - Suppose you have a friend who is deep in debts and managing to live barely on pay check to pay check. You sympathize with him on his financial condition, even offer some help financially. You also pray for him. You might even offer special prayers at some “all gets done/well” shrine while in India. Few days later you hear that very same friend hit a multi million dollar jackpot in a lottery. You are supposed to have or express boundless happiness on his bounty. But deep down, are you?

[pakkidost]

NO I wont... and I dont think I am kind of person who can share anyone's sadness or happiness the way you asked.

In first case I will be sad, but don't think will be disturbed or can feel someone else's sadness in same depth and intensity. And I think no one can. Wont be relaxed that it was not me or someone near and dear to me may be... but not deeply weeply sad either.

And in second case I will die of jealousy. Will ask God till my death ki deni hi thi to itni hi lottery dete na so that he/she would have been out of his/her debt and would have been doing well now. Why you gave him/her multi million dollar jackpot and NOT ME?

So for me NO! IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO SHARE HAPPINESS OR SADNESS with the same sincerity and depth as a person going through those emotions.

So what does that make me? A devil? Or may be a very practical and down to earth person?

[kkkk]

Originally Posted by pakkidost

NO I wont... and I dont think I am kind of person who can share anyone's sadness or happiness the way you asked.

In first case I will be sad, but don't think will be disturbed or can feel someone else's sadness in same depth and intensity. And I think no one can. Wont be relaxed that it was not me or someone near and dear to me may be... but not deeply weeply sad either.

And in second case I will die of jealousy. Will ask God till my death ki deni hi thi to itni hi lottery dete na so that he/she would have been out of his/her debt and would have been doing well now. Why you gave him/her multi million dollar jackpot and NOT ME?

So for me NO! IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO SHARE HAPPINESS OR SADNESS with the same sincerity and depth as a person going through those emotions.

So what does that make me? A devil? Or may be a very practical and down to earth person?

did you watch these movies -
Taare Zameen Par
Anjali
?

Did you at anytime in the duration that you were watching these movies shed tears?

[kkkk]

Originally Posted by ALBERT PINTO

While attending funerals; is it possible to be really sad in somebody’s moment of sadness? Is it possible to feel someone else’s sadness in same depth and intensity? Or is it that we put a sad face but deep down think, thank god, it didn’t happen to me.

If the above question is too dark, let me put in another situation - Suppose you have a friend who is deep in debts and managing to live barely on pay check to pay check. You sympathize with him on his financial condition, even offer some help financially. You also pray for him. You might even offer special prayers at some “all gets done/well” shrine while in India. Few days later you hear that very same friend hit a multi million dollar jackpot in a lottery. You are supposed to have or express boundless happiness on his bounty. But deep down, are you?

ofcourse it is possible. For how long, is the real question.

[pakkidost]

Originally Posted by kkkk

did you watch these movies -
Taare Zameen Par
Anjali
?

Did you at anytime in the duration that you were watching these movies shed tears?

So shedding tears over a scene of movie = how a person will react in real life scenario? What kind of logic is that?

That way every person coming out of Rang de Basanti should kill a Minister each....

[Rakhi]

Originally Posted by ALBERT PINTO

While attending funerals; is it possible to be really sad in somebody’s moment of sadness? Is it possible to feel someone else’s sadness in same depth and intensity? Or is it that we put a sad face but deep down think, thank god, it didn’t happen to me.

If the above question is too dark, let me put in another situation - Suppose you have a friend who is deep in debts and managing to live barely on pay check to pay check. You sympathize with him on his financial condition, even offer some help financially. You also pray for him. You might even offer special prayers at some “all gets done/well” shrine while in India. Few days later you hear that very same friend hit a multi million dollar jackpot in a lottery. You are supposed to have or express boundless happiness on his bounty. But deep down, are you?

I feel sorry for their loss sincerely but I don't think its any where closer to what the surviving family is going through. But I really dont think I felt any time that thank God its not me who is going through. Or may be unconsciously i did, also the intensity would fade sooner than the concerned family.

I would feel happy for her gain and at the same time feel "what a lucky girl"...I wish I were in her place.

See the difference, we want all the good things in life and not the sad things. Really bad.

[kkkk]

Originally Posted by pakkidost

So shedding tears over a scene of movie = how a person will react in real life scenario? What kind of logic is that?

That way every person coming out of Rang de Basanti should kill a Minister each....

dont jump to conclusions!

did you or did you not cry watching those movies?

[pakkidost]

Originally Posted by kkkk

dont jump to conclusions!

did you or did you not cry watching those movies?

Yes I did!

[kkkk]

Originally Posted by pakkidost

Yes I did!

you are saying you get moved so much emotionally by some characters in a show (that you know dont exist!) of not more than 3-4 hours that you feel the grief enough to cry out. but you wouldnt feel enough sadness for some bad situation befalling someone close in real life (touchwood, no such thing should happen)!?

aww come on... I dont think thats right.

I think one gets involved in movies, for sometime atleast. The time one cries is when you forget that what you are experiancing is fictional.

[pakkidost]

Originally Posted by kkkk

you are saying you get moved so much emotionally by some characters in a show (that you know dont exist!) of not more than 3-4 hours that you feel the grief enough to cry out. but you wouldnt feel enough sadness for some bad situation befalling someone close in real life (touchwood, no such thing should happen)!?

aww come on... I dont think thats right.

I think one gets involved in movies, for sometime atleast. The time one cries is when you forget that what you are experiancing is fictional.

But where did I say "I wont feel bad/sad at all" in the circumstances stated by thread starter?

All I said is OK I will shed a tear may be, that might be because someone else is crying (it is very common for us women to start crying when we see someone else shedding tears), I feel moved by the atmosphere in such cases or may be i feel sad myself. But will my grief/sadness be equal to the person going through the pain of loosing a near and dear one? NO!

[pakkidost]

Originally Posted by kkkk

I think one gets involved in movies, for sometime atleast. The time one cries is when you forget that what you are experiancing is fictional.

So? Whats the point?

[kkkk]

Originally Posted by pakkidost

But where did I say "I wont feel bad/sad at all" in the circumstances stated by thread starter?

All I said is OK I will shed a tear may be, that might be because someone else is crying (it is very common for us women to start crying when we see someone else shedding tears), I feel moved by the atmosphere in such cases or may be i feel sad myself. But will my grief/sadness be equal to the person going through the pain of loosing a near and dear one? NO!

ok, not equal in depth to the person undergoing the pain
but not shallow as indicated by
"In first case I will be sad, but don't think will be disturbed or can feel someone else's sadness in same depth and intensity"
When I read that statement, I thought you meant to say you will feel something, but that will be really superficial. If that is not what you meant then, my mistake.
I think anyone does feel enough to be disturbed.

[chitrala]

Originally Posted by ALBERT PINTO

While attending funerals; is it possible to be really sad in somebody’s moment of sadness? Is it possible to feel someone else’s sadness in same depth and intensity? Or is it that we put a sad face but deep down think, thank god, it didn’t happen to me.

If the above question is too dark, let me put in another situation - Suppose you have a friend who is deep in debts and managing to live barely on pay check to pay check. You sympathize with him on his financial condition, even offer some help financially. You also pray for him. You might even offer special prayers at some “all gets done/well” shrine while in India. Few days later you hear that very same friend hit a multi million dollar jackpot in a lottery. You are supposed to have or express boundless happiness on his bounty. But deep down, are you?

I am too uncomfortable in such situations... I am already clumsy enough and don't know what to say in normal situations... and these situations make me worse... I find nothing good enough to console a person... all those lines seem cheesy.... so I leave the person alone in peace. Most of the time I come up with "I don't know what to say, I'm very sorry". If it is a dear friend of mine, then I try to talk about different things pretending nothing happened. I just can't empathise, I find it insulting for the person who is grieving.

I prefer it that way with myself as well, I find it extremely uncomfortable and annoyed when people come up with consoling comments or try to cheer you up with crappy lines. I'd rather be left alone.

[sunnykode]

When my best friends dad passed away, i was in US and was not able to attend his dad's funeral. I have met his dad only couple of times, and may have spoken with him just once or twice. When my friend informed me of his loss, i was speechless. I could hear him cry and all I did was cry with him. I was so moved by his words, that I could not come up with a single word to say to him. We were young (19 yrs) and I felt really sorry for him.

He went through many economic hardships in life. He had to take care of his family (two sisters and mom) from the age of 19. I always tried to help him financially, but that bugger never took any money. So I helped him in other ways. If he became a millionaire overnight, i will be nothing else but happy for him.

[Sane Less]

I always find myself smiling and generally having fun at any funeral. I used to feel very bad about this later on... but found that that's how I am... even at funerals of near-and-dear ones. I am just not able to express my innermost feelings... so any funny moment or comment brings a smile to my face.

Thanks to Kkaki pai for explaining this conundrum in his post (#9) above.