Hyderabadi BaataaN

[proeclectic]

Originally Posted by Hyderabadi

Gpel mere ko ab mere dukaan(system) band karkey hasna padenga.nakko yaaru ithna nakko hasao.

dukaan=system

[proeclectic]

kuch bhi bol lo yaro, hyderabadi ki bat hi kuch aur hai. ek goldflake kayi logaan milke peena, ek cup do pyali, theater me pukarna, bus stop ke aashiki....

[chicha420]

some more hyderabaadi....

Bawaa, beeeer pilaao na yaaro!!
Gaand waand bhari kya be....
Be kisku bolra be!!!
Tanke chalraa kya re....dhaarkaari (dada) samjhaa apne aap ko? idharich zindaa gaad detun, kya samjhaa mere ku...
Ek kaan bhairi (thappad/jhaapad) diya dekho....phat ke mein haath mein aa gayi uski
Kya re maakyode....bahut ghoomra is gallli mein aajkal

[rameshp]

here is a good one about hyderabad:

Hyderabad In 2003 - A fullhyd.com Eye-View

Deepa Menon / Mithun Verma / Kishore Kadiyala

When George Fernandes invented the Internet, he wouldn't have thought that it would eventually be used to keep track of the past for all of posterity. And if you were George Fernandes, you wouldn't want any of your past to be kept track of by anyone. But it's happened, so there's no going back. And so here we are again, us intellectuals at fullhyd.com, trying to make sense out of something we have no competence trying to make sense of.

As a year, 2004 will go down in history as one that saw several ups and downs, one that made some and broke some, one that saw good times and bad times. But hey, this article is about 2003, remember? So let's start. But first, answers to some Frequently Asked Questions.

What is Hyderabad?
Hyderabad is the capital of Andhra Pradesh. It has a North, an East, a West and a South. On weekdays it also has a center. That is called the Municipal Corporation.

What does the Municipal Corporation do?
Most of us believe in a God. Most of them at the MCH do, too. God has Mahatma Gandhi smiling on one side, and a number written in about 15 languages on the other. If you go with enough instances of God, several folks at the MCH will worship you. Flowers and incense are charged separately.

Why did you write this article?
Hyderabad also has a soul. Some people say it's the old city. Some people say it's Madhapur. Some people say it's Chandrababu Naidu. Some (not us) people (not us) say (not us) it's (not us! not us! not us!) Diya Mirza. It's not for us to evaluate the various options. We at fullhyd.com believe that each person should contribute an option of his own to …anything. And so, here's our attempt at tracing the soul of Hyderabad through what happened over a whole year.

Why should I read this article?
Good question, especially since at the end of this article you'll probably have 10 minutes lesser of your life left. But remember that one year just passed you by. What matters more? We're still trying to find out.


january '03
• Asian Social Forum held at Nizam's College Grounds to discuss the evils of globalization and the horrors of the capitalist way of life. Karl Marx presided. What, Karl Marx is dead? Wrong - Karl Marx never dies. He just takes over new blood.

• Naidu decides to give more money to politicians, by hiking their salaries, to keep them from going corrupt. We shudder at what he would have to do to keep them from going promiscuous!

Crowned the Best Tourist City in 2003. The year started off with a bang!

• Lake police equipped with night vision cameras. Night vision cameras are cameras that you can see only in the night. At least that's the explanation given for the, er, "lost" ones.

• Mahesh Babu hushes critics (i. e. everyone) with Okkadu. fullhyd.com gave it a 3.5 star rating, which included 1 star we'd originally reserved for Nijam. Why? Oh well, we always encourage nascent talent. We're talking of Teja.
• Hyderabad declared the Best Tourist City in the country. If KCR succeeds, Hyderabad will soon be Best Tourist State in the country.


febraury '03

• Tollywood's Star Cricket played amid fan hysteria. Chiranjeevi's team wins, which all local dailies interpret as a message that Chiranjeevi is going to contest the elections.

• Tennis stars including Sania Mirza and Mary Pierce play at the WTA Indian Open held at L B Stadium, which all local dailies interpret as a message that Chiranjeevi is going to contest the elections.

• An undertrial, Dawood (not that one), jumps into the Musi to escape the police, which all local dailies interpret as a message that Chiranjeevi is going to contest the elections.

• Bill Gates visits Hyderabad, which… ah, you get the point.

• The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged) staged in the city. An estimated 400 people die laughing.


• Charminar thrown open to public, but this time with a notice clearly stating that people who commit suicide by jumping from the top will be prosecuted.

• Clock Tower to get a face-lift for Rs. 80 lakh. Several people are going to get rich - don't miss out! To apply for a face-lift for a building of your choice, please send a mail to bribes@mch.com with subject "5%", "10%", "15%" or more as relevant.


But wouldn't you rather watch it than get on it?

march '03

• India beat Pakistan at the World Cup. City's roads explode in mirth - the happiest that the people have been since the fear psychosis that gripped the city ever since Aarti Agarwal announced that she was going to seek performance-oriented roles.

• Astrologer claims that the Hussain Sagar's vaastu is all wrong. No wonder everyone who jumps in it dies!

• Software professionals from the city harassed by Malaysian government. Indian government expresses outrage. Several foreign governments express outrage. Finally, Malaysian government too expresses outrage. Moral of the story: Malaysians are the lowest in the order.

• Naidu hangs giant condoms in Assembly and Gandhi Bhavan to increase awareness of AIDS. Everyone's wondering who uses that size!

• Prudential Bank goes under, joining Charminar, Krushi and Vasavi. Government drafts rule that henceforth every new bank should provide its date of going under on the day of starting itself.

• Released finally: "Son of Hyderabad Shoeab Khan in Dab Daba". Those who didn't die waiting for the film to release, died watching it. Our reviewer still hasn't returned.

april '03

• The Dalai Lama on a two-day visit to town. Talks about a Superior Force that rules from a high, and how prostration and complete surrender is the only path. Most people think he is talking of Jayalalithaa. The rest know it's not - it's actually Sonia Gandhi.

• Pawan Kalyan roughs up reporters and takes panga with a city daily. BTW, being ambidextrous is a good thing - if you have 2 itches, you can scratch both. And if you don't have 2 itches, you have both hands available to you. From the fullhyd.com original gyan book. Anyway. Yawn.

• The mega-hyped Johnny is released. It was less interesting than reading the telephone directory, and took more time.

• Start of the hottest summer in recent times. Even people accessing fullhyd.com in North America complain of sweating.


may '03
• Most top athletes of the National Games found to have been doping. Authorities justify it by saying that the athletes only wanted to enhance performance.

• City student gets 164 marks out of 100 in SSC exam. Says he was expecting more.

• Baby-swapping scandal unearthed in city's hospitals. Hospital authorities invoke precedent of Vasudeva swapping Lord Krishna at birth to justify the act, so cops send them to Lord Krishna's birthplace to empathize even better.


• IMAX opens. Finally you can do what you've always wanted to - watch 6 films at the same place, and for just the price of 12.

• Hyderabad wins 'Most Polluted City' title. Even Superman complains of higher laundry bills every time he has to fly above Hyderabad.

• MCH sweepers wear NIFT-designed vests, sporting an elegant yet understated look on their morning rounds.

june '03

• Heat toll touches 950. And then the first rains come and half the state is blacked out. This is Hyderabad, darlings - nothing happens half-assed around here.

• Poor turnout for famous fish medicine. Congress leaders blame TDP government's anti-people policies for this, and vow that they'll ensure that every citizen turns up for fish medicine if they get into power.

This was at 7pm. The heat ate up our entrails.
• Professional male strippers do their thing at Underdeck. Most men are relieved to learn that what the strippers take off are their own clothes - it's uncomfortable when there's a very muscular guy looking at you keenly, and you don't know whose clothes are going to get taken off.

• In a brilliant but unfortunately illegal move to ensure repayment, a financier takes nude pictures of two film producers to use as blackmail material. The police take him into custody for threatening the public with an inhuman act.


july '03
• Golconda Express derails. "It's Lucifer! We're looking for an able exorcist," contend officials, to explain their pathetic competence. Pathetic reminds us, George Fernandes was around.

• Mohan Babu beats actress Shilpa and her mother on the sets of Vishnu. After the movie releases, the actress and her mother are beaten again, this time by the audience. The hero doesn't take a chance. He runs like a baboon on drugs.

• Sania Mirza wins the junior Wimbledon Doubles championship. The first discussion board by fans starts on fullhyd.com on how to marry her. Half the city wants to marry her.

• Shanta Sinha, city social activist from town, wins Magsaysay. In celebration, all social activists of town pelt recycled paper at Bipasha's posters. That's their idea of a wild party.

• The GVK Group takes over the 464MW Gautami power project. Surprisingly, it did not solve all the state's power problems. Only completely free power will do that. Vote for YSR!

• David Beckham leaves Manchester, joins Real Madrid. Half the women population of the world follows him to Madrid. The other half, Rakshita, was busy shooting 70mm movies in town.
august '03

The MMTS saga!
Day 1: Metro starts! Multi Modal Transport System (MMTS) is the new blueblood of hi-tech city travel.
Day 2: MMTS bravo! When 2 kamikaze buffaloes come in its way, the MMTS deftly swerves off the tracks. Then, the still alive driver, the living passengers and the hooting train boo the buffaloes triumphantly.
Day 3: MMTS framed! MMTS claims it had no intention of running down that sad-faced old man on the tracks, and, besides, he started it all.
Day 4: MMTS economical! Catch a bus to the MMTS station. Take the MMTS. Get down and take a bus from MMTS station to the bus stop. From there, take a bus to your locality. Walk home! Charge only one ticket per one bus and one ticket per one train. The walk is absolutely free!
Day 5: MMTS empty!

• Steve Waugh comes visiting for a charitable trust. He believes eating Biryani will do wonders, a la Laxman for India. He stuffs himself and it works - only, for India again. He decides to retire!

• Koti Women's College building listed in World's 100 Most Endangered Structures. Insurance premia for students shoot up.

• In the Vanasthalipuram Deer Park, a white Blackbuck is born. Yes, white. All park officials undergo DNA tests.

• V Ravikanth Reddy, our very own Volleyball champ, wins Arjuna award. No one notices, so he attends a P3 party. He's all over the papers. Theorem: It's easier to get in a P3 party than win an Arjuna. Corollary: It's easier to get in a P3 party than to achieve anything.


september '03

Tagore tore the box-office apart.
• Air Deccan starts inter-city flights within AP. Very first flight catches fire. Pessimists say they have poor safety standards. Optimists say they have lots more aircraft!

• Tagore releases. Biggest hit ever of Tollywood. Officially, we love you, Megastar. Unofficially, we think you're God!

• MIM MLA brandishing hockey stick and baseball bat arrested for illegal possession of weapons, during bypolls in Karwan. Normally it's okay, but during elections?!!

• The huge Khairatabad Ganesha idol falls off the crane during Ganesh immersion, in a last ditch attempt to avoid the inevitable. They still go and put Him in the Hussain Sagar.

• Rs. 32,000 crore fake stamp paper scam surfaces. Illegal land owners of state rejoice. Their constructions are now more legal than the Assembly.

• Simhadri releases, is a blockbuster, and makes NTR Jr a superstar. Many of us did not understand why any of the above three happened. But Naidu understands the masses better, so he adds NTR Jr to his list that has Chiranjeevi and Balakrishna's names on it.


october '03

• Naxals bomb CM's car,
Saying he was a damp squid.
Now they're sprinting really far,
'Cos he won't miss, like they did!


• First ever Afro-Asian Games begin. Huge controversy over the mascot. State explains that the smiley-carnivore is not Puliraja in disguise. Checked for HIV anyway.

• City boy Vignan Pattamatta is among 20 students selected to design NASA's Rover Sequence on Mars. He supposedly learnt the water-finding technique when his family frantically drilled for water in the city.

• Schumacher wins 6th world title. Hyderabadis decide to strengthen their bid for F1 - they start driving crazily at 100 miles an hour. For once, the traffic police respond promptly - getting the hell out of the way.

• Two major temples looted in the city. It must be tough being God - whom do you ask to protect you? From the fullhyd.com original gyan book.

november '03
• Last ODI at L B Stadium concludes. India wallop Kiwis, as charged-up Hyderabadis yell hysterically. But all the mad yelling does not get them entry into the stadium. Heck, VIP passes didn't get them entry into the stadium.

• Matrix Revolutions creates history by opening concurrently in America and in Hyderabad. But that's where all resemblance to history ends, since ticket prices just aren't the same anymore!

• World Billiards Championship happens in town. When the final shot was made, the crowd erupted for Sethi, only to be informed Sethi had lost. The crowd went red in the face. Said they knew who had won, but didn't know which one was Sethi.

• Naidu dissolves Assembly and announces early elections, then belatedly realizes it's actually Lyngdoh who takes that decision. And so Naidu is reduced to caretaker until God (i. e. Lyngdoh) decides it's time for elections, until the flyover at the Secretariat is actually complete, or until further notice, whichever comes last.

december '03

• It's riots and communal violence again. No, we're not talking of internal Congress politics - we're talking about the old city. After a decade of harmony. It's a shame, really. Why doesn't God just appear before us and tell us He's just One?

• India beats Australia in Australia for the first time in 21 years. Laxman is once again instrumental in the victory. Steve Waugh has an idol of Laxman now. Every day he prays and pushes needles into it.

• The biggest fat reduction program of our city happens - the Hyderabad 10k Run. Over 8,000 caring Hyderabadis pay up and try to run 10 kilometers enthusiastically. Authorities say the proceeds will go to charity, but not many takers came forward to collect all the sweat.

• F1 finally coming to Hyderabad. We at fullhyd.com originally wondered how those weird-looking vehicles would go in the city at such unbelievable speeds. You need to have pumping adrenaline, a desperate personal need for potentially fatal adventure, super-smart reflexes that provide heart-stopping thrills to everyone around you, and a philosophical approach to life and death. We're talking about our auto drivers, of course. What's life without them?


There, the year in retrospect. Will 2004 be better? We sure hope so. The astrologers say so. The farmers say so. The campus crowds say so. The Economic Times says so. Our traffic says so. Plus, there are still many good folks around.
fullhyd.com

[rameshp]

here is another one:

Hyderabad In 2004 - A fullhyd.com Eye-View

Deepa Menon / Kishore Kadiyala
[With support from Rohit Murari, Saikumar Peddamatham, and the fullhyd.com team]

If you've been a woman at any point of time in your life, you'd know that Hyderabad is a woman's paradise.

A student of Nizam's once told us that all a woman really needs in life is a guy who'll recognize her every time he sees her. While we are still formulating an official stand on that statement, it cannot be disputed that Hyderabadi men do recognize women. In fact, they go out of their way to recognize women. As Aarti Agarwal once said, "It is that old psychoanalytic axiom that the male id dominates the male ego, which results in the perceptual pointers for female stimuli being omnipotent." Allright, maybe she said just the first 2 words of that, but that's besides the point. Please move on to the next paragraph.

The point, dear fullhyd.com reader, is that Hyderabadi women have it easy. They just have to wear a sleeveless salwar, and the job is done. Very few Hyderabadi men have ever impressed a woman by just wearing a sleeveless salwar. Do we need to say anything more?

Yes, we do.

The next time you see a woman around you commented upon or spat upon, maybe you should do something.

Perhaps the worst things about 2004 in town were the incidences of spitting on women. We don't know what those guys get out of it, but there's only one thing worse than that. And it's very easy to avoid that.

When we refuse to stay quiet, we do something important. We state that we are not with them. We state that we don't need a superhero. We state that we are superheroes.

We make Hyderabad truly a woman's paradise.

And now, onto more important things.


Guess what the fine for spitting on her is? Rs. 50.


From 2004 Into 2005 - An Experiential Journey...
(...in giving an important-sounding heading to a pointless article)

As a year, 2004 began with great promise. The same can be said of 2005, which leads us to conclude that 2005 will be exactly the same as 2004. Which is sad, since that means GTB will go down again, the helmet rule will be introduced again, Balakrishna will prove again that the law in India belongs to the highest bidder, YSR will again promise free power, and local dailies will continue their intense competition to identify new trends in Hyderabad (at least 4 per day, upto 928 on good days).

2004 had its good moments, too. To find out what they were, fullhyd.com has just commissioned QuickSniff Pvt. Ltd., Hyderabad's leading investigative agency ("Accepting any assignment. Since 1929."). While we await the results, capture the year's exclusive moments with us in this exclusive annual roundup created exclusively for the exclusive you in you.


january '04

• City artist Fawad Tamkanat reports increase in number of women who want him to paint them in the nude. We at fullhyd.com are still wondering why so many women want Fawad Tamkanat in the nude while painting them, but the local dailies interpret it the correct way - that this is the latest trend in Hyderabad.

• Snow World opens in Lower Tank Bund. Proudly proclaims that it pays an electricity bill of 9 lakhs every month, making several ministers s****** that they don't pay even higher bills, and yet stay even cooler!

• Licenses of 5 bars cancelled on charges of obscene entertainment, triggering off a public-awareness poll by fullhyd.com on citizen responsibilities:

What should a responsible citizen do when he encounters an obscene bar dance?
• Switch off his cell
• Desist from waving joyously if dancer turns out to be someone he knows from work
• Ask for full refund if dancer has facial hair
• ...and actually turns out to be male at the end
• ...especially if he's already done a lap dance for him

• City-based automobile designer Sudhakar unveils his latest masterpiece - a mobile toilet. Switching this one off when you are expecting urgent calls can lead to phenomenal PR disasters!

• Telgi's city associate Rayees nabbed. A P Police accused of being too soft on Telgi, even putting him up in a 3-star hotel while under judicial custody. Hurt, Telgi says he was ethical, and paid off cops for every rupee of it.

febraury '04

• Reliance Telecom sends bill of Rs. 12,755 to Abdul Rahman Khan of Malkajgiri, who's been dead for the past 10 years. Pissed family tells Reliance executives several ways to reach his current address.

• First heart transplant in the State done at Global Hospital. Local dailies write about how this is the latest trend in Hyderabad.

• V V S Laxman gets married at Imperial Gardens, sending local scribes into raptures from imagining how many times they can use "Very Very Special" in the next day's paper.

• Sania Mirza becomes the first Indian to win a WTA Tour Championship. With the exception of Zahira Sheikh, of course. That woman will say anything.

• TDP's Vijaybheri event soaks up a total of Rs. 50 crore and clogs all major roads for a full day. Organisers provide plenty of food, plenty of water and one mobile toilet. No, we are not referring to anyone in particular. The TDP's show of strength at the Nizam Grounds had the city grinding to a halt.

march '04

• NTR Jr. and producer Giri decide to make another film to pay for the losses incurred by Andhrawala. Obviously - who else will make another film to pay for the losses incurred by Andhrawala? Holly Hunter? These newspapers will print anything!

• Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan Public School wins Intel Award for children who cleverly integrate new concepts into education. Murli Manohar Joshi finishes second.

• 70-year-old city lady wins National Yoga Championship. Says all it takes is 2 hours of practice every day for 40 years.

• Ten Downing Street (a pub) invites strippers to entertain its Women's Day crowd, and also gives away Best Cleavage Award. The winner thanks her parents for all the guidance and support, and says she wants to serve the poor by working with Mother Teresa.

• Union Minister of State Bandaru Dattatreya says farmer suicides are actually because of indigestion. People are still puking.

• Osmania University celebrates platinum jubilee. The earliest students talk about how the place still reminds them of the old days, especially since some of their co-students are still staying in the hostels.

april '04

• M F Husain's film Meenaxi releases in the city, and is withdrawn after fundamentalists object to certain song lyrics. With the possible exception of oxygen, fundamentalists are the most widely available free substance on earth. There's one in every café, book shop, bar, library, brothel, bus stop, pizzeria, crematory, nude bar, chat room, ice cream parlor, cinema hall, public lavatory, sex shop and space station. There's probably one in your mailbox right now. Actually, there's one for every normal person on earth. Plus some extras.

• Uxchange, an initiative by the students of many city schools, formed to help underprivileged children study. We wish this had happened when George Bush was still a kid.

• Award-winning actress Soundarya dies in a plane crash during her campaign trail for the BJP. Fortunately the BJP doesn't feel the loss, since everybody in the BJP is a great actor.

• EVMs (Electronic Voting Machines) cause much excitement at polling stations. Local dailies write about how this is the latest trend in Hyderabad. No, not EVMs, silly. It's writing the full form in brackets after the abbreviation, rather than the other way round.

may '04

• Congress sweeps elections, decimating the all-powerful Naidu. In all fairness, we gotta give it to YSR - he dared to imagine the impossible, refused to believe every sensible voice that said it couldn't be done, and didn't care for the consequences. We're talking about his poll promises. God save AP.

• Mahesh of Banjara Hills cuts off his tongue and puts it in a hundi for YSR's victory. Now think of a bunch of money with a tongue in it that's incapable of thought. Who does it remind you of?

•[b] Spitting becomes new form of eve-teasing; police say it is punishable by a fine of upto Rs. 50. Ooh, attractive pricing. We wonder if there are bulk discounts if you do it more than 5 times a month.[b]

• Police chief R P Singh decides all eat-outs, including chai stalls, must close by 9pm. People with special permission can, however, eat at home after that.

• Local daily reveals that smelly men are not a turn-on. Here's our own contribution to this piece of genius: watching a man prick a large boil on his skin and then use a straw to sip from it is a big turn-on. Oh yes, it is also the latest trend in Hyderabad!

june '04

• Balakrishna "allegedly" (see, we are legally correct and all) shoots his astrologer and producer, takes refuge from law by landing in a hospital, and miraculously gets well when he gets bail 3 weeks later. If there is a God …then well, Balakrishna will play that role and soon become CM. This is AP, darlings.

• Chiranjeevi's fans storm office of local film journal and assault the editor for suggesting that NTR Jr might be a worthy successor of the Number 1 position. They won't get into jail, of course. Those are the perks of realizing that your life's purpose is to be the fan of a movie actor.

• New Gandhi Hospital in Musheerabad opens, in the erstwhile jail. Luckily the hospital doesn't use the same staff - they'd consider good treatment as a patient staying in for 14 years!

• Three of the city's oldest boy schools - All Saints, Little Flower, St. Paul's - go co-ed. Good, since the importance of interaction between the sexes cannot be under-emphasized. Wait, that should be "over-emphasized". But the importance still should not be under-emphasized. But… Forget it.

july '04

• Hyderabad Blues 2 releases. The original version won several awards in 1997. Likewise, the original version has a greater chance of winning awards for 2004 than this one.

• State Crime Record Bureau reports that 1 person dies every 8 hours in the city. And this when there are no Aarti Agarwal or Diya Mirza releases showing in town.

• CII-Sohrabji Godrej Green Business Center - the greenest building in the world - launched in city. Made of 80% recycled material. Just like every Seema flick.

• State Assembly records show that MLAs bunk sessions but sign attendance register to get DA benefits. A small price to pay for not having them butt into important affairs involving the government.

• GTB is placed under 3-month moratorium following frantic efforts to get money out of it. By the promotors, we mean. Now the depositors also join in, and news channels have a field day.
august '04

• Celebrated comedian Allu Ramalingaiah passes away, deeply grieving thousands of fans. After acting in over 1,000 films, he has nothing left to prove. Replace the 1,000 with 5, and the exact same sentence can be used for Uday Kiran!

• MMTS incurs major losses - only 25,000 people travel everyday as against expected figure of 1 lakh. We think they should just add more trains. Simple logic - just like if there are more people there will be more food consumed, if there are more trains there will be more tickets bought!

• Traffic Police researchers find Sunday the most dangerous day of the week and Upper Tank Bund road the most dangerous area, when it comes to accidents. And the Hussain Sagar is the most dangerous part of the city to try to park in.

• Canara Bank robbed of Rs. 69 lakhs in daring heist; robbers cut a neat hole through the 14-inch roof to enter. Cops press high-level force into action, and in just 5 months now have already managed to find out both these facts.

• City-based Unani doctors come up with Khare Khas, a supposedly stiff competition to Viagra, and far cheaper. You should just not think of an apple when using it. Oops!


september '04

• 42 eve-teasers held by the Task Force; mostly outside St. Ann's and Villa Marie colleges. Claim they are students of those colleges.

• Mahesh Babu raids VCD store with fans to seize pirated copies of Arjun. Owner pleads that he had no option but to sell pirated CDs since original CDs were not released, and after considering it, Mahesh Babu concedes he did not think of this, and leaves. This is what they told the courts, anyway.

• Stray dogs reach unmanageable proportions, reports MCH; there is one stray for every 35 people. We also know the full office address of several of them, their timings, and how much they charge to "fetch" your file.

• Cops start using breath analyzer tests to catch people who drink and drive. If caught, you have to answer the following question correctly from the options given below to prove your innocence:
What are you going to do now?
a. I know Tejdeep Kaur (Traffic Police Chief)
b. No, tell her it's the other Varma, whose hand she shook in the "Meet The Public" session
c. What do you mean, "She says some cop called her last night too about you?"
d. Okay, I did NOT drink
e. 3 years???
f. I don't have that much right now
g. 3 years???
h. You don't have to count it again, I already did

• Okkadu wins 8 Nandi Awards. Unable to believe it, rival filmmakers ask for recounting.

october '04

• YSR's free power cost crosses the Rs. 1,000 crore mark. No, not his home, silly - the state.

• City dwellers can play amateur detective by logging on to the Forensics Lab's site (www.apfsl.com) and submitting their own theories on crimes committed. Confessions will win special prizes!

• Research by the press and RTA reveals that more than half the city's cops do not have a driver's license, and that most of them don't know enough to even possess a learner's license. And yet, deprived of such basic necessities, they still serve the city uncomplainingly, unselfishly, day and night.

• Gandhi Hospital doctors go on flash strike after clash with D V R College students over allegations of negligence. With very few senior doctors available, callous support staff cashing in on bribes, patients deprived of rightful privileges and dignity, and several being sent off without complete cure, Gandhi is in a mess. Imagine how much worse it would've gotten with the strike.

• Google opens center in city. In recognition of brilliance of city youngsters, tech/BPO hiring roared during the year. In another demonstration, IIIT students were invited to work with NASA on robotic technology earlier this year, after their first product, Katrina Kaif, was a huge success.

• P Gopichand wins the Asian Satellite Badminton Championship. Local dailies write about how this is the latest trend in Hyderabad.

• Anand releases, is a surprise hit given that it didn't have a Chiranjeevi or even a Srikanth in it. Shankardada MBBS releases, is a surprise hit given that it didn't have a Sanjay Dutt or even an Arshad Warsi in it. The difference is that everything in Anand was original, and everything in Shankardada MBBS was from the original!

november '04

• Helmet rule back. Traffic cops show great tact and ease it into the public psyche through a 2-month process. Now if only they would do some real work, like tackling the city's traffic.

• Hyderabad has the highest traffic density in the country; experts opine this is because the roads are too narrow and there are too many vehicles. No, really. Meanwhile, vehicles move at an average speed of 12 kmph, and there are 150 identified bottleneck zones and 1,300 potholes. On the positive side, over 98.5% of the city's motorists still haven't died in one.

• Sarwar Ahuja of Hyderabad wins Zee Cine Star Ki Khoj from over 10,000 contestants. He gets a 5-liter Sheetal Mixer-***-Grinder, with 3 removable jars. Okay, he also gets to star in a movie by Zee. Sarwar says he waited to get educated before starting to act. Admirable, considering several of our 'stars' did neither!

• Central Mall opens at Punjagutta, giving local dailies a mouth-watering opportunity to write about the latest trend in Hyderabad. 18,207 articles about the mall-culture have since been written as we go to FTP, broadly classified as:

• The mall-culture in Hyderabad (7,324)
• Pros and cons of being in a mall (6,391)
• Mall-etiquette (3,103)
• How to talk without using consonants while in a mall (310)
• Quickly rearranging goods in the stores of a mall using Feng-Shui (298)
• How to give wrong directions to the toilets in a mall (23)
• How to give wrong directions to the toilets outside a mall (951)
• Bisexuality and malls - studies in evolving perspectives (278)
• 10 steps to raising a successful fire alarm in a mall (401)
• Enjoying boating inside a mall (674)
• Compilations of the top 100 articles written the last week on malls (94)

december '04

• City's Pendyala Harikrishna becomes World Junior Chess Champ, P Gopichand wins the Syed Modi International Championships, Sania Mirza wins wild card into Australian Open, and MCH wins Amnesty International's Most Ethical Local Body award. Or maybe there's one mistake there.

• 25-year-old chess player Venkatesh makes a desperate plea for euthanasia from his hospital bed where he's confined with muscular dystrophy, so he can donate his organs to the needy. Don't worry, it's all over now.

• Nagarjuna has a hit after a long wait, playing Mass. The film is the tale of an ordinary man who single-handedly destroys the most dreaded mafia lord of AP. That's because it's hard to make a whole film about the most dreaded mafia lord of AP single-handedly destroying an ordinary man.

• P V Narasimha Rao dead. Is given raw deal not only by his party, but by his city and family, too, who leave the half-burnt body of the path-breaking ex-Prime Minister abandoned on the banks of the Hussain Sagar. The man once noted, "Dilliki rajayina talliki bidde." For his own people, however, it looks like Dilliki rajayithene talliki bidda.


There, the year in retrospect. We asked our clairvoyance department if they foresaw better stuff for 2005, and there's good news. Apparently, upto 23% fewer Hyderabadi men will forget to zip up this year. And that's just the beginning!
fullhyd.com