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  #106  
Old August 4th, 2014, 06:22 AM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Quote:
Originally Posted by swami View Post
Hritik roshan's wife..she has demanded 400crore as alimony
thats a rumor I think.. being famous these days is a paap.. social media pe log le lete hain


Last edited by sarv_shaktimaan; August 4th, 2014 at 06:26 AM.
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  #107  
Old August 4th, 2014, 06:36 AM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

google turns 12 this year..

This means we have only 1 more year to use it, before it turns into a teenager and won't answer anything !!!
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  #108  
Old August 4th, 2014, 06:48 AM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarv_shaktimaan View Post
google turns 12 this year..

This means we have only 1 more year to use it, before it turns into a teenager and won't answer anything !!!
Now about Siri. It is 3 years old and still does not understand what we talk.
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  #109  
Old August 4th, 2014, 08:02 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Dis Sunday "friendship day" next Sunday "Rakhi"
.

.

.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
Is sunday aap ladki ke peeche ,
Aor
Next Sunday ladki aap ke peeche

too much fun
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  #110  
Old August 20th, 2014, 05:20 PM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

KAMASUTRA LESSONS:
*
1. Kamasutra says : If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one.
And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
*
2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse,
Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy...No wonder men suffer
from high B P!
*
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself.
*
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times
you got fucked to achieve it.
*
5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?
*
"What the Fuck!" and...."What a Fuck!"
*
6. Three people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME',
don't take it as a compliment!
*
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
*
8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is
supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!
*
Now that I've educated. you, go ahead and educate someone else.
*
When a lady is pregnant,
*
All her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
*
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters..
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  #111  
Old August 20th, 2014, 06:59 PM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

^^ Lol swami ji,.. that was something new, n' reading for the first time. - few were news.

And now,…
You inspired and excited me with the word “kamasutra” and now I can’t resist,
pasting this, other the similar kinda “weirdo-strange” material, from a PRO ( pun intended ), for you to read. Lol

Yaun-Sambandh of KamaSutra !

----

Last edited by Jagmohan; August 20th, 2014 at 07:13 PM.
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  #112  
Old August 22nd, 2014, 04:38 PM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Bad idea to get married if the only thing you want is sex


365 nights of an Indian woman:
60 nights periods
55 nights headaches
50 nights I am tired
40 nights I have to get up early
35 nights I am not well
25 nights the kids are awake
20 nights will do tomorrow
35 nights aaj fast hai
45 nights aaj mummy k ghar jana hai..!(wants go to moms home)

A Case Study on Wedding Decisions:

[Averge marital life 30 yrs]

COST: Marige expenses- Rs.1000000

Mthly expen-Rs.20000

Wifes mthly maintainence- Rs.5000

RETURNS:

SEX First 5 yrs- Weekly 3 Times.

Next 5 yrs- Weekly 1 Time.

Next 10 yrs -Once in 15 days.

Next 10 yrs -Once in a month.

MEANING:

1400 times sex in 30 yrs 4 an estimated expenditure of 720000 + 1000,000 spent on wedding @ 7% for 30years as per current FD Int rate

= 62420000

CALCULATIONS:

A Man spends Rs.54000 for each time he has Sex with his Wife.

CONCLUSION:

Outsourcing is cheaper!
If you only want sex.
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  #113  
Old August 22nd, 2014, 05:59 PM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

^^ it seems you forgot the recent, Hrithik Roshan's live incident,..
Sussane Roshan hrithik's ex wife is asking for
400crore as alimony money.
Their marriage lasted 14 years, which makes the
calculation as "8 lacs per night"
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  #114  
Old March 27th, 2015, 01:09 PM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Mallu boarding a plane.
Air hostess is smiling.
Mallu: Tetti vandi!
Air hostess (shocked): What???
Mallu: Tetti vandi!
Air hostess calls steward.
Mallu: Tetti vandi!
Steward: What????
Mallu thrusts his boarding pass below the steward's nose.
Steward looks at it and bursts out laughing.
Composes himself, and says
"Sir, seat 31 D is in the center. This way please!"
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  #115  
Old March 27th, 2015, 01:10 PM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

सुबह सुबह पत्नी चाय नाश्ता पूछने आई तो मैंने कहा बना दो । फिर रुक कर पूछने लगी जी ये अटल बिहारी वाजपेयी को भारत रत्न मिल रहा है ऐसा कौन सा काम किया था उन्होंने ?
मैंने कहा - शादी नहीं की थी इसलिये ||

बस उसके बाद ना चाय आई ना नाश्ता ।
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  #116  
Old March 27th, 2015, 01:14 PM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

A sad truth.


!भारत मे कभी मेडिकल स्टोर पर जाकर condom मांगकर देखिये..बगल में खड़े लोग आपकी तरफ ऐसी निगाह से देखते है की जैसे आप उनकी ही गांड मारने वाले है.!!..
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  #117  
Old March 27th, 2015, 01:18 PM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Girlfriend: Teri Zip Khul Nahi Rahi Yaar.

Boyfriend: Firse Try Kar.

Girlfriend: Kar To Rahi Hoon. Nahi Khul Rahi.
.
..
...
....
...
..
.
Boyfriend: Accha Ruk,
.
.
.
.

















Main PDF format hi Bhejta Hoon.😜😜😜
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  #118  
Old March 27th, 2015, 08:37 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Jokes been slapped all over Anushka, after love-buddy Virat's failure and Anushka's Sydney arrival to watch the semi-final match !

( Just for fun - No serious Intention ! )





Red letters are slapped with double meant,... if you paid attention.


__________________________________________


Anushka Sharma should be declared National Panauti .

Virat Kohli was just trying to show Anushka Sharma, that he can try new positions.

Anushka Sharma apparently flew all the way to Sydney to cheer for her guy. The max distance I'll travel for my guy is Powai to Saki Naka. lol.

Anushka Sharma flew all the way from Mumbai to Sydney to watch her boy Virat Kohli bowl 1 over, drop 1 catch, and score 1 run! #JodiNo1

#Sydney golay par #Anushka_sharma k sath LOL ho gaya

What did Anushka Sharma tell Virat Kohli before he went out to bat today? "Virat, I want you here in 5 minutes."

Breaking News :: Anushka Sharma changed her relationship status to 'Single'!

I request to public to boycott Anushka Sharma's films. He is real #DESHDROHI whoever will watch her film anymore. #AUSvIND
— Kamaal R Khan-KRK

Anushka (wife)
Kohli (husband)
Rohit (Saala)
Happy family in dressing room.

"Feeling sorry for Anushka. Her boyfriend let her down big time! ??:"

Anushka Sharma waved her fans for her fans at the SCG, and Virat Kohli thought it was for him! xD :P

@dhanyarajendran who asked her to go to scg? can't she watch on TV? kohli wasted all his energy previous night with her. his 1 run is proof

Indian and Pakistani sports channels are 20% talking about the match results, 80% about Anushka Sharma.

Couldn't she enjoy her honeymoon after worldcup.

I know we would loose when Anushka Sharma showed up at Australia today.

I request to all the people to go n throw stones at the house of Anushka Sharma who is the main reason for the defeat of India. #AUSvIND — Kamaal R Khan-KRK

Dheele pad gaye sabke tevar....pitne lage anushka ke devar

Hey Anushka, you made NH10 but Virat didn't even make 10

Ranbir is the culprit for @imVkohli's flop show. He wanted to attract audience to a bakwaas film by repeatedly kissing Anushka. Poor Kohli

If Dhoni does it now for India then Sakshi & NOT Anushka will be declared as the official Bhabi of India in Parliament tmrw #AUSvIND

Now Anushka Sharma and Virat kohli have much time For shopping and kissing Each other.

Anushka is searching for her NH10 rod in cupboard

"I knew Anushka landing up in Sydney was a bad idea! #AUSvIND #CWC15," a female user wrote.

"Worst mistake Anushka Sharma made in her life was to be in Sydney for the Semi's! Ab poora desh nahi maaf karne waala! ??,"

Somewhere in Anushka's mind "Virat ne Dhoka de diya."

@kamaalrkhan: “Aaj Tho Anushka bhabhi ke dheele padd Gaye Tevar, Naa Sanyyaan khele, Naa Devar. #AUSvIND”

Virat to Dhoni: I thought you meant Anushka when you said I should spend a lot of time with Sharma in practising Didn't know it was supposed to be Rohit

Australia ne dikha diye apne tevar
hairan ho gaye anushka k dus devar
ab anushka ki family mangegi ek favour
Beti , olx pe bechde teri shadi ke jevar

___

Reaction of Dear Anu.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/zbQr_uecES8

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  #119  
Old March 29th, 2015, 08:31 AM
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.! From Whatsapp

One afternoon a wealthy manager was driving in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.

"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".

"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to mr. Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"

Lesson: Never trust managers... and there is nothing like KIND MANAGERS 😜

Dedicated to all Managers
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  #120  
Old April 10th, 2015, 12:25 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Got this from an e-mail,.......

After 'Coffee with Karan' success.....

Starplus is coming with 3 new shows.
1. Tea with Modi
2. Cerelac with Rahul
3. Cough Syrup with Kejriwal

Thank God.....Morarji Desai is dead
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