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  #1  
Old November 19th, 2004, 06:16 PM
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Talking Some Jokes!!

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets
her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times
the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future
because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest tits.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Next, ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then go ask your brother if he would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would." Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!" Then he goes to his brothers room and asks him, "Hey bro, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His brother thinks about it and says, "For a million bucks, I suppose I would".

The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on three millions bucks, but in reality, we are living with two sluts and a fag."


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Old November 19th, 2004, 07:22 PM
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Re: Some Jokes!!

Quote:
Originally posted by Desi24
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. ..............., we are living with two sluts and a fag."


There is a separate place for these kind of posts.....its called
www.gandungli.com

Please don't try to make this a jokes site
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  #3  
Old November 20th, 2004, 02:41 PM
nayasavera
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Re: Some Jokes!!

Quote:
Originally posted by Desi24
The second one was great.

Little Johny was asked to use 'harassment' in a sentence.

He did it in this way: 'Her mouth said no but her-ass-meant yes.'
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Old November 23rd, 2004, 07:13 PM
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Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde ?
A: On slapping a mosquito, it will stop sucking, but blonde doesn't ..!!



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Old November 25th, 2004, 09:03 AM
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Re: Re: Some Jokes!!

Quote:
Originally posted by dhurandhar
There is a separate place for these kind of posts.....its called
www.gandungli.com

Please don't try to make this a jokes site

Very easy to ignore jokes on this site......don't click on the thread!
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  #6  
Old November 25th, 2004, 09:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Budmaas


Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde ?
A: On slapping a mosquito, it will stop sucking, but blonde doesn't ..!!





LOL...HAHAH....I need to get me a blonde!
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  #7  
Old November 25th, 2004, 09:11 AM
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A little thanksgiving joke
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awakened. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he
couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned
that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he ! was upstairs
sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard,
liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her! She took the bowl and went
upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband awakened with his usual trumpeting which was followed
by a bloodcurdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The
wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years
of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her
husband came
downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she
asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have
warned me and I
didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one
day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it
finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got
most of them back in."
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  #8  
Old November 26th, 2004, 01:48 PM
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LOL ... very phunii.

Lekin yaralog desi jokes maaro.
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  #9  
Old January 31st, 2005, 02:03 PM
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just got this one.

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.!

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.

Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made.


The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...
MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills
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  #10  
Old January 31st, 2005, 04:05 PM
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dhurandhar dhurandhar is offline
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Re: just got this one.

Quote:
Originally posted by TerminatorJR
Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.!

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.

Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made.


The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...
MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills
the desi version of it is in context of Akbar-Birbal-Tansen story....with the end being that Akbar asking Tansen to suck Birbal's dick
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  #11  
Old January 31st, 2005, 04:19 PM
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Re: just got this one.

Quote:
Originally posted by TerminatorJR
Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio, the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.!

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.

Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made.


The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...
MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills
LOL..........LOL.....that was a great one!! THANK YOU!
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  #12  
Old February 9th, 2005, 01:02 PM
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A travelling salesman came upon an old farmer sitting on his porch, next to the farmer was a pig with only one leg. The salesman was about to give his sales pitch when his curiosity got the best of him.

"Excuse me sir, but why does your pig have only one leg?" asked the salesman.

"Well sonny, I'll tell ya. One day I was plowing back 40 when my tractor overturned, pinning me underneath. I was losing blood and thought I would die when that pig came running. He dug and rooted around with his nose till he got me out and he dragged me back to the house. Saved my life that pig did."

"Wow, that's really amazing," said the salesman, "but I still don't know why the pig only has one leg."

"Well I'll tell ya," said the farmer. "One night me and the wife were asleep at about 3am when a fire broke out in the kitchen. Well that pig broke down the door, came into our bedroom waking us up and getting us out before the fire could get us, saved our lives that pig did!"

"Well that's really great but why does the pig only have one leg?"

"Well sonny, when you get a pig that smart, you don't want to eat him all at once!"
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Old February 9th, 2005, 01:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by TerminatorJR
A travelling salesman came upon an old farmer sitting on his porch, next to the farmer was a pig with only one leg. The salesman was about to give his sales pitch when his curiosity got the best of him.

"Excuse me sir, but why does your pig have only one leg?" asked the salesman.

"Well sonny, I'll tell ya. One day I was plowing back 40 when my tractor overturned, pinning me underneath. I was losing blood and thought I would die when that pig came running. He dug and rooted around with his nose till he got me out and he dragged me back to the house. Saved my life that pig did."

"Wow, that's really amazing," said the salesman, "but I still don't know why the pig only has one leg."

"Well I'll tell ya," said the farmer. "One night me and the wife were asleep at about 3am when a fire broke out in the kitchen. Well that pig broke down the door, came into our bedroom waking us up and getting us out before the fire could get us, saved our lives that pig did!"

"Well that's really great but why does the pig only have one leg?"

"Well sonny, when you get a pig that smart, you don't want to eat him all at once!"
LOL
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Old February 9th, 2005, 09:05 PM
Napolean Napolean is offline
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That joke did not make me laugh...I felt pity for the poor pig....
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Old February 9th, 2005, 11:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Napolean
That joke did not make me laugh...I felt pity for the poor pig....
<tickling Napolean> cheer up
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