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  #16  
Old August 31st, 2018, 12:50 PM
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Re: Bhau bandki or Feud between brothers

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Originally Posted by dirty View Post
Knowing fully well IT salaries , green card or no green card, if he cannot afford $300 dinner for his friends in India then he does not deserve friends .
I have opposite kind of friends. Saale paan-bidi ke paise bhi nahi dene dete.
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  #17  
Old August 31st, 2018, 01:05 PM
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Re: Bhau bandki or Feud between brothers

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Originally Posted by echarcha View Post
dirty, its not the question of $300.... he says they don't behave like before.. They are all looking at him as if he did a crime by going to the USA and making more than them. They feel they are entitled to his spending.
Well my friends do enjoy the Black Label ( I don't do Blue ) I get for them or Glen Single Malt and I always do one party when I am there to meet everyone. I have another friend in that circle that lives in Kenya. He does the same.

But after that one party , zip up my pockets and they take care of me ( Yes Amtha , I have those friends too ) . two years back I spent my new year at upscale country club and they took care of my tickets ( 3500 rupees ) and ordered alcohol and snack at the club and did not let me pay a dime for paan bidi.......
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  #18  
Old August 31st, 2018, 02:15 PM
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Re: Bhau bandki or Feud between brothers

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Originally Posted by dirty View Post
Well my friends do enjoy the Black Label ( I don't do Blue ) I get for them or Glen Single Malt and I always do one party when I am there to meet everyone. I have another friend in that circle that lives in Kenya. He does the same.

But after that one party , zip up my pockets and they take care of me ( Yes Amtha , I have those friends too ) . two years back I spent my new year at upscale country club and they took care of my tickets ( 3500 rupees ) and ordered alcohol and snack at the club and did not let me pay a dime for paan bidi.......
In this case of this colleague, this does not happen. Only he has to spend. He does carry a good bottle of whiskey from here. (Well, maybe it has something to do that he is and his friends are - all gultis )
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  #19  
Old August 31st, 2018, 06:05 PM
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Re: Bhau bandki or Feud between brothers

I think younger brother is at fault. He is very insecure because he doesn't have any solid income source.
Elder brother should just leave everything for younger one. If he doesn't do it, it will take all peace away .
May not be easy since his wife may ask not to do it.
Tough situation to be in.
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  #20  
Old August 31st, 2018, 07:08 PM
HarHarMahaDev HarHarMahaDev is offline
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Re: Bhau bandki or Feud between brothers

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Originally Posted by echarcha View Post
Just met a old friend of mine in the Bay Area after many years. After general catching up, he came up with the topic of his younger brother in India.

My friend has only 1 brother, younger to him by 3 years. While my friend studied electrical engineering, his brother was content with doing B.Com and helping his father with the family business - growing fruits.

My friend is from a rural area of Maharashtra and his father has land there, some of it received from his father and a lot of it bought with this own money.

Now, things were smooth all these years. The father was ailing for a couple of years from some disease (let's not get into the specifics) and was sort of house bound. He could no longer tend to his farms and the younger son took full responsibility. My friend sent a lot of money from here to ensure that his father got the best treatment under best doctors in a tier 1 city in Maharashtra which was closer to where he is from. The younger brother did his part of taking his father to the hospital and doctor visits etc and did the minor expenses as required. The major expenses were paid off by my friend.

Well, sounds like a normal family situation... Doesn't it?

Now the father was very ill and he did what most Indians do not do - he called his lawyer friend and asked him to create a will.

Talk to any lawyer and you will find that most Indians hesitate to create wills or proper legal documents to dispense their property, assets, money, etc.

Anyway, the father divided the farm 50-50 between his two sons.

Now here is where the Marathi term 'Bhau Bandki' comes up. It means a fight and disagreement between two real brothers or two first cousins or within two related families over land and property and assets and money.

The younger brother in this case is pissed off at his father and verbally abuses him for giving 50% to his elder brother - my friend.

My friend went to India recently and tried to sort out the matter. He told his father that since he is abroad and is settled here, he does not need the land. So the father changed the will and wrote that the elder son gets at least 25% income from the land and complete ownership of the home where they grew up. My friend tried to dissuade his father but before his father could be dissuaded, the father passed away.

My friend told the younger brother that he did not need that income too.
But now the younger brother is not willing to listen at all. He is saying that my friend should write a court document and give up his right to the income and the home!

Fine, my friend agreed to giving up the income as he felt that his younger brother was working hard in the farms and creating income.

Now it seems that the court process for writing such things as official documents is not easy. The will needs to be first in probate and then this and that and that. I mean, the process is not simplistic.

Also my friend told his brother that he is willing to add his name in the house so that he too feels secure. My friend reasoned that maybe in the future he would like to come to India to retire. Maybe not. But he wanted his name in the home because he feels an emotional attachment to it as he grew up there. Also, he feels that he is giving up everything that is his legally, by Hindu family law, so why not have the house - atleast 50% of it!

My friend had to return back to the USA for his job and told the younger one that he will come after 6 to 8 months and then go ahead with whatever the process is. Till then he advised his younger brother to get all documents etc ready.

But the younger brother now is making claims that 'This is all bullshit. You will go back and then change your mind and all that'.

The younger brother has stopped behaving properly with his own mother and hardly speaks in a normal tone with my friend. He is hell bent on a fight and is making wild allegations.

In short, the relation between two brothers has now soured. The elder one is trying to be reasonable but the younger one is not. To complicate matters, the younger one's wife is adding fuel to the fire.

The entire family is going through a bad Zee TV saas bahu type serial.

Well, this raised a few questions in my mind -
1) Why don't parents make things clear from an early stage?
2) Who is at fault here? My friend? His brother? Their father?
3) Is my friend wrong in claiming an emotional connection to his home and demanding that his name be at least on 50% of the house?

Anyway, just wanted to share this with you and ask your take on it.
If I had to advise the elder brother, I would tell him to claim his inheritance as stated in the will. The younger brother needs to calm the fuck down and respect the decision of the father.
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  #21  
Old August 31st, 2018, 09:44 PM
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Re: Bhau bandki or Feud between brothers

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Originally Posted by Napolean View Post
I think younger brother is at fault. He is very insecure because he doesn't have any solid income source.
Elder brother should just leave everything for younger one. If he doesn't do it, it will take all peace away .
May not be easy since his wife may ask not to do it.
Tough situation to be in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HarHarMahaDev View Post
If I had to advise the elder brother, I would tell him to claim his inheritance as stated in the will. The younger brother needs to calm the fuck down and respect the decision of the father.
The younger brother is under the influnce of his wife, bollywood and politics which hails the farmers. Sutradharji has pointed out that Farmers get subsidy but do not pay any tax. The tale of 2 brothers is the tale of the whole country.

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  #22  
Old August 31st, 2018, 09:58 PM
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Re: Bhau bandki or Feud between brothers

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Originally Posted by echarcha View Post
1) Why don't parents make things clear from an early stage?
2) Who is at fault here? My friend? His brother? Their father?
3) Is my friend wrong in claiming an emotional connection to his home and demanding that his name be at least on 50% of the house?
1) Why don't parents make things clear from an early stage?
The dad did try to make things clear. It is the Son who thinks he is Bharat Manoj Kumar.
2) Who is at fault here? My friend? His brother? Their father?
Brother of course
3) Is my friend wrong in claiming an emotional connection to his home and demanding that his name be at least on 50% of the house?
No.

My take is same as Napolean and HHM.
The brother may get some sympathies and appear as the wronged farmer and might ultimately win the case. But he will be waiting for tariq pe tariq. All the bog bro has to do is to get a good lawyer.
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  #23  
Old September 1st, 2018, 01:03 PM
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Re: Bhau bandki or Feud between brothers

Thanks for your honest, as usual, opinions!

I have forwarded this thread to my friend... Let's see what he thinks and does....
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  #24  
Old September 3rd, 2018, 05:15 AM
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Re: Bhau bandki or Feud between brothers

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Originally Posted by AmthaLal View Post
Simple answer.

Father is responsible for all the mess up.

He should have cleared everything. But parents from those days still think their siblings are fine and will not fight even though they themselves had fought with their siblings for an acre of land.

PS: This is from my own experience, so dumbasses like RameshSuresh stay away from making any comment unless wants to get banned.

the way I read it, Father did clear everything....

I have read somewhere, a relationship is controlled by the person who cares the least. Elder brother is looking at this emotionally while the younger one appears not to.

not to belittle the effort he spent with dad - end of the day, money only goes so far. spending time and effort getting the father to the hospital, parking his life while the father withered away, must have been very very difficult for the younger brother.

can the elder brother do more for the younger? maybe sponsor his trip to the US, setup a little trust for the younger's kids education or buy him a car - something like that, essentially do something to show that it is not about money but about emotions.


Quote:
Originally Posted by echarcha View Post
Oh... do you know one more thing? If you are in USA or any other foreign country for earning your living, then most others in the immediate family think that everyday when you you drop dollars from your ass.

One colleague from, now Telangana, was telling me about how things have changed for him. Not with this family but his old college time friends. This colleague came in the late 2000s to the USA and is still in GC proceedings here. He is doing well, but as I said, he does not drop dollars from his ass everytime he

So when he goes back to India his old time friends demand a nice dinner at a fancy place. He does take them out. But there, he pines for his old college time booze brands like Old Monk Rum etc. However his friends all want to order the most expensive drinks and they laugh it off as "Oh its no big deal for you.. It might not be even ve your one hour salary"
The final bill used to be equivalent to 250 to 300 dollars.

Since last two visits, he has made some excuses and called them to his home instead of a fancy place. Only a very few of his friends showed up. Well, that's life.

I think its also a little bit about how one shows themselves when back in India. If one goes about showing off their NRI creds, it sets the tone of what happens next. tell your friend to call his friends a couple of months before he goes to India and start asking for some money to borrow
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