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Friday Special Tickle your funny bone...

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  #121  
Old April 13th, 2015, 08:08 PM
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sarv_shaktimaan sarv_shaktimaan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

During the British Raj , it was felt that bonding with the locals would be better if English officers could speak in Punjabi.

Accordingly, a Punjabi tutor was arranged for a Gora Major Saab.

After a month the tutor felt he had taught the British Major good Punjabi.

The Major’s commanding officer in Lahore, the British General, decided to personally test the Major.

So, he threw some ink on the table and asked the Major to describe in Punjabi what happened.

Major: "Aithay ink kinnay giraayi hai?"

The tutor looked happy but the General was disappointed and asked them to further improve the Punjabi.

Another month passed and it was time for another test.

The General again threw ink on the table and asked the same question.

Major replied in his improved style : "Aitthay siyahi kinnay doli hai?"

The tutor was thrilled but the General was still not satisfied.

So the tutor asked what the General was expecting.

The General said he would demonstrate and called a desi Punjabi Sergeant to come into the office.

The Sergeant walked in, saw the mess and immediately screamed:
"Oye kanjaro ! Eh mez di maa behen kinne kitti hai?”

The old General stood up, applauded and announced:

"Now, that, gentleman is Punjabi.”
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  #122  
Old March 28th, 2016, 07:13 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

What's APP forwarded jokes, posting here ( as per Swami )
_________________________________________________________

T-20 WC Fever,....


It took ages after Don for a Sachin to appear. Now within a few years we are seeing a Giant!!!

Add Lithium (LI) to Pattasium Hydroxide(KOH) and you get an explosive agent demolishing everything and anything in its path.

_______________
Virat means Giant






Employee: I want leave

HR Manager: What leave - Sick leave..... Casual leave........Paid leave?

Employee: Rahul Gandhi leave

HR Manager: Eh..... What is this leave?

Employee: i will go away somewhere for 2 months, but the company should not question where or why, but must assume I am thinking about the betterment of the company.

And once I am back, I expect to be promoted and handed over the responsibility of running the
company.

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  #123  
Old March 28th, 2016, 07:15 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Valentine day is a Punjabi festival.But it was hijacked by the British.
In olden days the boys on cycle used to roam around girls colleges with a request

"VELLAYAN NU TIME DE,
VELLAYAN NU TIME DE"
THAT BECAME VALENTINE DAY !!



One of the truths about life

Men socialize by abusing each other...
They don't mean it.. ��

Women socialize by complimenting each other...
They don't mean it either !




In India , sex is available in two colors:
1) Haath peele karwa ke.
2) Muh kala karwa ke






"Abey jaa be... bohot dekhe hai tere jaise"
~One Chinese to another"!!
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  #124  
Old March 28th, 2016, 07:16 AM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Can it get punnier than this:
Timmy: I'm Hungary,
Mum: Why don't you Czech the fridge.
Timmy: OK I'm Russian to the kitchen.
Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.
Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!
Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.
Timmy: I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile
Mum: Denmark your name on the can.
Timmy: Kenya do it for me?
Mum: OK, I'm Ghana do it.
Timmy: Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today
Mum: It Tokyo long enough.
Timmy: yeah Israelly hard sometimes...

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  #125  
Old March 29th, 2016, 03:11 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

Instead of learning unconditional love,
faithfulness, honesty & loyalty from
Dogs, The only thing we learnt is their
"Position"



She: तुम्हारे लिए fast करूंगी
He: ना बेबी आराम से करेंगे,फील के साथ
She: हवस के कुत्ते मैं व्रत की बात कर रही हु



BCCI ne aaj ye spasht kiya hai ki prem bhang hue ashiqo ko team selection me special consideration diya jaayega...



भारत ‪#‎एकमात्र‬ ऐसा ‪#‎देश‬ है जहां,
घर से ‪#‎बाहर‬ रहने पर ‪#‎आवारा‬ कहते हैं,
‪#‎और‬
घर के ‪#‎अन्दर‬ रहने पर ‪#‎निकम्मा‬।



नारी शक्ति की ताकत और हिम्मत का अंदाजा आप इसी से लगा लीजिये कि...
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कम्प्यूटर में अभी भी 'मदर' बोर्ड ही चल रहा है, जबकि फादर बोर्ड जैसी चीज का अभी तक दूर दूर तक नाम-ओ-निशान नहीं है।
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  #126  
Old March 29th, 2016, 03:16 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

गरमी शुरु हो रही है
शादी शुदा मर्दो के लिए एक सलाह
जब भी फ्रिज से पानी की बोतल निकालो,
तो उसे भर कर ही वापस रखो,
वरना लैक्चर पानी की बोतल से शुरू होगा और
पता नहीं किस बोतल पर खत्म होगा।




मेरी हर आह को वाह मिली है यहाँ.. कौन कहता है दर्द बिकता नहीं है...
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-Sunny leone




Khujliwal ke ghar mein ...

Patni : Yeh lo, Khaana kha lo !!

K-Wal (Thali dekh kar) : Yeh kya hai?

Patni : Daal Chaawal ..

K-Wal : Nahin khaoonga !!!! Dono mile huye hain !




A Gujarati Company Owner was asked a Question:

"How do you Motivate your Employees to be so much Punctual ?"

He Smiled & Replied:

"It's simple; I have 30 Employees & 29 Free Parking spaces. One is PAID parking !!




झूठ बोलने की भी हद होती है।

उधार दिए हुए पैसे वापस लेने के लिये मैने दोस्त के घर पर Landline पर फोन किया तो उसका जवाब सुन कर मैं तो बेहोश होते होते बचा।

बोला " Drive कर रहा हूँ .. बाद में फोन करता हूँ। "


अंतरात्मा
महिलाओं द्वारा मेक-अप धोने से पहले उनकी अंतरात्मा उन्हें एक बार ज़रूर पूछती है:


Are you sure you want to restore factory settings?

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  #127  
Old March 29th, 2016, 03:19 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

डॉक्टर कहते हैं की बच्चे के दिमाग का 90% विकास 5 साल की उम्र तक हो जाता है ...!!

और

कोंग्रेस वालो ने अभी भी उम्मीद पाल रखी है....!!





First time in India ... First time in the World, probably !!

Four corners of the country !!

North - Mehbooba
South - Jaylalitha
East - Mamata
West - Anandi Ben

Four Lady CMS in 4 corners, and all are Unmarried !!

Center.. Modi ...!!

Opposition ... Rahul !!

Jai Ho !! Bachelor Party ... !!




एक लड़की की शादी से दो दिन पहले उसकी उसकी सहेली बोली-शादी की सारी तैयारियां कर ली क्या?
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लड़की-हाँ कर ली, बस सिम तोड़कर फेंकना बाकी हैं




Chris Gayle is Vijay Mallya's most valuable asset. State Bank of India must seize him immediately.




SBI Bank: Humara bank aapko bina interest ke loan de raha hai....

Alia bhat:

Agar dene mein interest hi nahi hai to kyu de rahe ho? Nahi chahiye...
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  #128  
Old April 9th, 2016, 08:26 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

कम ही लोग ये जानते है कि आर.बल्की अपने पिच्चर के नाम दो-दो साल के बच्चो से लिखवाता है - पा, कि, का...



MOSQUITO:Mom,I’m going to a Movie
MOM:Tk care People clap&u may b killed
MOSQUITO:I’m going to a Sunny Leone movie,all hands will be busy



आजचा सुविचार सच्चे प्यार में दिल नहीं,
पलंग टूटते है।
– सनी लियोनि





क्लास में टीचर बच्चो से पूछती है
टीचर : “ इस दुनिया में सबसे मुश्किल जॉब किसकी है ?”
संता : “मैडम जी , सनी लियोन के केमरामैन की
????????????????????????????????????
टीचर:-भाग कमीने,,,????????????
************************



Before marriage man is a tiger
After marriage
That Tiger is made small haha



After the leak of Panama Papers...
It is evident that both Amitabh and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan are hiding money from Abhishek Bachchan!



India Mein Jab Tak, "Aaya Mausam Thande-Thande Dermicool Ka" Ad Nahi Aa Jata Tab Tak... Garmi Chalu Nahi Hoti!



When your wife messages you 'Have Fun', just stop whatever you are doing and return back home! Fast!




Sasuma Syndrome: condition in which women who stay wrapped in 10 ft sarees at home promptly get into hot pants & tank tops on reaching Goa.
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  #129  
Old April 11th, 2016, 03:35 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

THAT AWKARD MOMENT WHEN YOUR SPONSOR IS MANFORCE AND THEN ALSO YOU FAILED TO PERFORM.
Delhi daredevils




जो लोग कहते हैं औरतें कमज़ोर होती हैं,
सर घुमा के देखो ज़रा।
हर तरफ दीवारें 'मर्दाना कमज़ोरी के इश्तेहारों से पुति पड़ी हैं।
सारा भ्रम टूट जायेगा !




अाज का विचार�
� जितना गौर से लोग
टकराने के बाद
एक दूसरे को देखते है |
उतनी गौर से अगर पहले ही देख ले तो टक्कर ही नहीं होती.....
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  #130  
Old April 11th, 2016, 03:36 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

A documentary on Kingfisher planes
- Saare Zameen Par!




Garmi Itni Badh Gai Hai Ki Do Minute Dhoop Mein Khade Reh Kar Aap Logon Ko Bol Sakte Ho Ki...
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Work Out Ke Baad Ka Paseena Hai Yeh!






I really don't understand why people consider alcohol to be a problem...
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Chemically speaking, it's a solution.
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  #131  
Old April 11th, 2016, 05:30 PM
Jagmohan Jagmohan is offline
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Re: Fowarded...Jokes.!

तेरी मुहब्बत भी किराये के घर की तरह थी…..
कितना भी सजाया पर मेरी नहीं हुई…. !!


हर आदमी अपनी लाइफ पार्टनर के बारे मैं
सोचता है कि वो मिस
यूनिवर्स दिखे और घर मैं काम शांता बाई की तरह करे।



गलतफ़हमियों के सिलसिले आज इतने दिलचस्प है......
कि हर ईँट सोचती है दीवार मुझपे टिकी है.....!!!


ग़ालिब ने खूब कहा है :
ऐ चाँद तू किस मजहब का है !!
ईद भी तेरी और करवाचौथ भी तेरा!!



बड़ी बेवफ़ा हो जाती है ग़ालिब ये घड़ी भी सर्दियों में;
पाँच मिनट और सोने की सोचो तो, तीस मिनट आगे बढ़ जाती है।



जिन्होंने कभी तुलसी का पौधा नहीं लगाया घर में , आज वो क्रिसमस -ट्री सजाने में ज़ोर शोर से लगे हैं....?



शादी के लिए आए गंजे लड़कों की फ़ोटो रिजेक्ट करने वाली 90 फीसदी लड़कियों को शादी के दस साल बाद गंजे पति के साथ ही रहना पड़ता है.



और शादी के लिए देखी मोटी लड़कियों को रिजेक्ट करने वाले 90 फीसदी लड़कों को 2-3 साल में मोटी बीवी के साथ ही रहना पड़ता है..



आप भले ही संस्कृत की बजाय जर्मन
की वकालात कर लो,
लेकिन, उधर जर्मन वाले संस्कृत सीखकर धडल्ले से आपके
वेद, उपनिषद, आयुर्वेद आदि का ऑरिजिनल रिसर्च उठा ले गए हैं..
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