office funnies

[sarv_shaktimaan]

Please share ONLY real life office funnies.. I can copy paste a million Dilbert and other cartoons here, but let's just not do that.

Me on a telecon from US: Oh man, so many things to review. This will take a full hour. You're wearing me out.

Offshore team member in India: Hey yaar, how you are knowing what I am wearing today? Someone told you naa ..

I end up explaining the phrase "wear out" to him.

[Napolean]

So (s)he was wearing you out? How did (s)he not take any offence if (s)he took literal meaning ?

[kalidas]

Originally Posted by sarv_shaktimaan

Please share ONLY real life office funnies.. I can copy paste a million Dilbert and other cartoons here, but let's just not do that.



I end up explaining the phrase "wear out" to him.

Here are some of my own funnies.

Me: How was your weekend?
Female co-worker: Too short!
Me: No. It was the same as every weekend. It started at Friday 5:00 PM and ended this morning at 8:00 AM.
Female co-worker ends up with irritated look on her face!!

[sarv_shaktimaan]

Originally Posted by Napolean

So (s)he was wearing you out? How did (s)he not take any offence if (s)he took literal meaning ?

thankfully it was a he and not a she..

[sarv_shaktimaan]

Another similar one..

Me on a telecon from US after a long call with offshore team: alright, its late enough, I will call it a day guys, bye bye.

Offshore team member in India: Wait ! What do you mean? Isn't it night time right now in US?

I end up explaining the phrase "call it a day" to them.

[Charchila]

Female coworker: BJ?
Me: Sure!

She was asking to go to lunch at BJ's Restaurant

[dirty]

So I think I have posted this earlier. I have two.

We hired this India project Manager from Wipro in our office as a consultant and me being only other India she was very chatty with me. Also she had just moved to US with her husband and in LA was a beeg deal for her.
So after numerous discussion about how women in Holywood wear skimpy clothes one day we were both waiting near the printer to get our respective printouts ( Children's Homework ) and she looks at me and says...... ' Dirty I am going ask you something personal ". <Twang> Sound of a spring snapping........
She looked into my eyes and said " LAst night my husband got laid " .... I was nto sure I heard right ..so I went what ??

And she again repeats "last night my husband got laid ..." . I was not sure how react... Feeling the stress against the zipper of my pants I quickly tried to think of places where we could have sex..... My Bosses cabin ? He is never there ? How about the staircase.....

She continued " I am going to send you ......." ........

Her address ? Now, that is convenient but is she looking for threesome ...... I dont want her husband to touch me....

" I am going to send you his resume . Can you find a job for him. He is on h1 but his employer will support him for a transfer if needed'........


Hyan

" Her husband got Laid ...............OFF"


JESUS CHRIST>>>>>>>

[sarv_shaktimaan]

Good one dirty .. Here's one I had posted earlier

A gora colleague of mine was troubling this mallu chick who worked in our team... so she goes... "John why are you getting me off?"... so John speaks very loudly "NO NO NO what you meant was why are you troubling me... not the terms you used."

I was in the next cube laughing like crazy.

P.S. Lookup get off in the slang dictionary..

[sgars]

There were so many murders of english language that i now find it difficult to recall. A couple stand out.

'Pressurize me 'is used instead of 'Pressure me', 'say me' instead of 'tell me'. Not by offshore guys but those on site! And prepone is actually an Indian invention. the correct word is advance (some say that prepone has made it to the dictionary).

Let me tweak this for restaurant funnies. on one of my earlier visits to US, I go into burger king and order Cheeseburger, thinking it just has cheese. Another pure vegetarian apparently thought that Pepperoni means 'Pepper and Onion' and hence is veggie and kept on eating them for quite some time till some one told him the real components!

[Bagheera]

Chee!!! Kitne ghatiya jokes hai. Aur tum log usey bade chav se enjoy kar rahe hai.

[PeaceSeeker]

Originally Posted by sgars

Another pure vegetarian apparently thought that Pepperoni means 'Pepper and Onion' and hence is veggie and kept on eating them for quite some time till some one told him the real components!

HA HA HA. That was hilarious!

[Napolean]

One common mistake is oversee vs overlook.

"Appoint a senior guy who will overlook the work done by junior team members" .

[kalidas]

It's easy to make fun of desi ppl. I guess we are all easy targets.

Gand mein dum hai to beat the goras at their game. Unka mazaak uda ke dikhao!

[sarv_shaktimaan]

Originally Posted by Napolean

One common mistake is oversee vs overlook.

"Appoint a senior guy who will overlook the work done by junior team members" .

but Seniors generally do overlook Yes, I have noticed this one.

[sgars]

Originally Posted by Bagheera

Chee!!! Kitne ghatiya jokes hai. Aur tum log usey bade chav se enjoy kar rahe hai.

Now, you are Soniya, are'nt you????