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Friday Special Tickle your funny bone...

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  #1  
Old August 24th, 2011, 02:09 PM
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Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

Potential signs of bad economy....


My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies
while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them
and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's
names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they
re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!
The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people
who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
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  #2  
Old August 24th, 2011, 02:16 PM
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Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

Important things in the life......go ahead and add your own ...






1. If it's got tits or tires, sooner or later it's gonna give you problems.

2. If it flies, floats, or fucks, you're better off renting

3.No matter how beautiful it is....somebody is tired of fuckin it.

4. There is no such thing as a bad blowjob.....
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  #3  
Old August 24th, 2011, 02:21 PM
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Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles...' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'

Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
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Old August 24th, 2011, 02:25 PM
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Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

HEALTH MESSAGE:

If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing...yet lives for 150 years.

AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE..?? I DON'T THINK SO.

I'm retired.......go around me..!!
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Old August 24th, 2011, 02:30 PM
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Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

Do you know why canadians love doggy style????









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Old August 24th, 2011, 02:58 PM
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Talking Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

When Batman takes a break

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Old August 24th, 2011, 03:20 PM
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Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmthaLal View Post
Do you know why canadians love doggy style????










so both can watch the hockey on tv.
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Old August 24th, 2011, 06:27 PM
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Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

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Originally Posted by Premi View Post
so both can watch the hockey on tv.


hew:.....I saw your reply and thought you found a repeat link.
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Old August 24th, 2011, 11:56 PM
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Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11


दिग्विजय सिंह
दिग्विजिय सिंह की लोकप्रियता को देखते हुए ज़ी टीवी जल्द ही उन्हें लेकर एक सीरियल शुरू करने वाला है…अगले जन्म मुझे घटिया ही कीजो!
दिग्विजय सिंह के लिए बड़ा झटका…पता लगा है कि कांग्रेस के झंडे में जो हाथ है…वो भी आरएसएस का है!
अफसोस…ओसामा अपनी वसीयत 2001 में लिख गए। अगर 2011 में लिखी होती तो ऐबटाबाद की हवेली दिग्विजय सिंह के नाम कर देते!
दिग्विजय सिंह का कहना है कि मेरे बयान को तोड़-मरोड़ कर पेश किया गया है। मैंने ओसामा जी नहीं, ओसामा जीजा जी कहा था!
दिग्विजय सिंह का कहना है कि जब मुझ जैसा आदमी ज़िंदा घूम रहा है तो अफज़ल गुरू को फांसी क्यों दी जाए?
दिग्विजय सिंह भारत के सबसे भरोसेमंद नेता हैं… क्योंकि वो ISI मार्का हैं!
सवाल-जब अक्ल बंट रही थी तब तुम कहां थे? दिग्विजय-मैं उस समय राहुल बाबा को ढूंढने गया हुआ था…पता नहीं वो लाइन तोड़कर कहां चले गए थे?
दिग्विजय सिंह के इस बयान के बाद कि वो अपने पाप धोने हरिद्वार जाएंगे, प्रधानमंत्री ने ‘गंगा सफाई अभियान’ के लिए दस हज़ार करोड़ की अतिरिक्त राशि मुहैया करवा दी है!

शरद पवार
साल 2511…दो लड़के पार्क में बैठे बातें कर रहे हैं…पहला- तुम रोज़ी-रोटी के लिए क्या करते हो…दूसरा-सुबह अख़बार बांटता हूं, फिर दस घंटे नौकरी करता हूं, शाम को ट्यूशन पढ़ाता हूं, रात में चौकीदारी करता हूं…मेरी छोड़ो, तुम अपनी बताओ, तुम्हें मैंने कभी कुछ करते नहीं देखा…पहला-यार, क्या बताऊं, आज से दो सौ पीढ़ी पहले हमारे यहां एक शरद पवार हुए थे…वो इतना कमा गए कि हमें आज तक कुछ करने की ज़रूरत नहीं पड़ी!
फोर्ब्स मैगज़ीन ने अपने ताज़ा अंक में उन ख़रबपतियों की सूची जारी की है जिन्हें शरद पवार ने उधार दे रखा है!
शरद पवार ने हाथ दे कर रिक्शे वाले को रोका और पूछा…बस स्टैंड चलना है…कितने पैसे दोगे?
शरद पवार और सुरेश कलमाडी से विशाल भारद्वाज इतने इम्प्रेस हैं कि उन्हें लेकर एक बार फिर से ‘कमीने’ फिल्म बनाना चाहते हैं!
शरद पवार के करनामों से प्रभावित हो भारतीय डाक विभाग जल्द ही उन पर एक ‘डाकू टिकट’ जारी करने जा रहा है।
SWISS GOVERNMENT को शक़ है कि SWISS BANK ने शरद पवार के पास SAVING ACCOUNT खुलवा रखा है!

मनमोहन सिंह
विज्ञान ही नहीं, अर्थशास्त्र में भी झोलाछाप डॉक्टर होते हैं…जैसे डॉक्टर मनमोहन सिंह!
मैं इसलिए कुछ नहीं बोलता क्योंकि मैडम ने एक दफा समझाया था…बातें कम, स्कैम ज़्यादा!
दबंग के बाद अभिनव कश्यप जल्द ही मनमोहन सिंह को लेकर इसका सीक्वल बनाने जा रहे हैं…इस बार फिल्म का नाम है-’अपंग‘!
ओसामा की मौत का स्वागत करते हुए मनमोहन सिंह ने एक बार फिर से सोनिया गांधी के कुशल नेतृत्व की तारीफ की है!
मनमोहन सिंह को देखकर यकीन करना मुश्किल है कि उन्हें भगवान ने बनाया या फिर मैडम तुसाद ने!
मनमोहन सिंह का कहना है कि वो अश्लीलता के बिल्कुल खिलाफ हैं इसलिए अपने जीते-जी किसी को EXPOSE नहीं होने देंगे!

नारायण दत्त तिवारी
ओसामा की पहचान के लिए अमेरिका जल्द ही उसका डीएनए टेस्ट करवाएगा, मुझे शक़ है कि कहीं वो नारायण दत्त तिवारी का बेटा न निकले।
शरद पवार अपनी सारी सम्पत्ति और एनडी तिवारी अपने सारे बच्चे डिक्लेयर कर दें तो इसमें कई देशों की सारी दौलत और पूरी आबादी समा सकती है!


सुरेश कलमाडी
कलमाडी जैसे ही बापू की मूर्ति पर फूल चढ़ाने झुके…लाठी से धकेलते हुए आवाज़ आई…दूर हटो बेटा…वरना अहिंसा की कसम टूट जाएगी!
लोगों ने भी हद कर दी है…कलमाडी सुबह पार्क में RUNNING कर रहे थे…पीछे से किसी ने आवाज दी…कब तक भागोगे!
कलमाडी घर पहुंचे तो काफी भीग चुके थे…बीवी ने चौंक कर पूछा…इतना भीगकर कहां से आ रहे हैं…क्या बाहर बारिश हो रही है…कलमाड़ी-नहीं….तो फिर…कलमाडी-क्या बताऊं…जहां से भी गुज़र रहा हूं…लोग थू-थू कर रहे हैं!
“सुरेश कलमाडी एक ईमानदार, कुशल, मेहनती और देशभक्त आदमी हैं। उन जैसा सच्चा आदमी आज तक इस देश ने नहीं देखा…पूरे देश को उन पर नाज़ है” ऐसे ही फनी और मज़ेदार चुटकुलों के लिए SMS करें…5467 पर!
If ‘K’ stands for Kalmadi…तो आप उसे KBC भी कह सकते हैं…अब ये मत पूछना कि BC क्या होता है!


राहुल गांधी
“तेल की कीमतें बढ़ने से महंगाई बढ़ेगी। महंगाई बढ़ने से आम आदमी का तेल निकलेगा और जब आम आदमी तेल देने लगेगा तो महंगाई खुद-ब-खुद कम हो जाएगी”-राहुल गांधी
इसमें कोई दो राय नहीं कि राहुल गांधी में बहुत प्रतिभा छिपी हुई है मगर देश की भलाई इसी में है कि वो इसे छिपाकर ही रखें!
हाल के सालों में जिस तेज़ी से पेट्रोल की कीमतें बढ़ी हैं अगर उसी अनुपात में राहुल गांधी का IQ भी बढ़ता तो वो नासा में वैज्ञानिक होते!
ये पूछे जाने पर कि अब तक वो अन्ना हज़ारे का हाल जानने जंतर-मंतर क्यों नहीं गए…राहुल गांधी का कहना था कि मुझे लगा ‘अन्ना’ कोई साउथ इंडियन शख्स है, जो रजनीकांत को भारत रत्न दिए जाने की मांग को लेकर अनशन पर बैठा है!
सुरक्षा एजेंसियों और राहुल गांधी के साथ एक ही समस्या है…intelligence failure!

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  #10  
Old August 25th, 2011, 09:40 AM
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Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmthaLal View Post
hew:.....I saw your reply and thought you found a repeat link.

ab yaad dila hi diya hai to lo

LINK

its a repeat

amtha lalaPremi
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Old August 25th, 2011, 10:29 AM
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Re: Funnies for the Week of 08/22/11

Quote:
Originally Posted by Premi View Post
ab yaad dila hi diya hai to lo

LINK

its a repeat

amtha lalaPremi


Abe saale mere yaad dilaane pe meri hee maartaa hai!

It should be....like

Premi....amthalal.

For dilaawoing yaad of your job.
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