office funnies

[sgars]

More of a bar funny (may be not funny), but since i went with my colleague, putting it here.

Once, My colleague and i visit Rodeo's in Delhi and order for beer. The waiter says 'sorry under 25 not allowed'. My spontaneous reaction is 'Thanks!'. However, my friend is not amused and shouts 'Jaao le ke aao'. Then i ask him 'Kya main under 25 dikhta hoon' Waiter replies 'Nahin sir aap nahin dikhte'. I become disappointed and while i am brooding, my friend suddenly discovers that he has a 10th certificate and proudly furnishes it (somewhat stunning the waiter) and is successful in getting a beer We figure out that there were some raids recently leading to extra caution.


Another restaurant not so funny-

I go to Pachanga, a mexican joint and order for some tacos. While i am waiting my order, i decide to munch some chillies. Then, an amru guy on the same project drops in for his lunch and his reaction on seeing me munch chillies was as if he was seeing me walk on fire. He asks "What??* are you munching Chilli peppers." Me - "yeah. it is pretty normal for me".

* He probably meant to say WTF - but controlled himself.

[sgars]

Originally Posted by sarv_shaktimaan

Like I said people view things with filters.. To a bewda its tareef.

i had a same prism. Conversation between Me, a Mallu guy (MG) with an Orissa Lady (OL) chipping in later on

Me - Went to Bhubaneswar some time back.
MG - How is it.
Me - a pretty decent place. A bar is very close to the railway station. in fact, close to the plaforms than the ticket counter.
OL - Bhubaneswar is all about Temples and this bar is all you talk about
MG - Well, thats his temple

[sarv_shaktimaan]

Now this will really interest Kali pai.. Share your tech funnies and get a prize.

[kalidas]

Originally Posted by sarv_shaktimaan

Now this will really interest Kali pai.. Share your tech funnies and get a prize.

Read a couple of stories .. funny and realistic.

Where I work I can't fathom how some people remain employed in IT without even the rudimentary understanding of technology.

Here's a conversation between 2 programmers:

Expert programmer: "Java is much better programming platform than .NET because in .NET you are stuck with Microsoft apps."

Clueless programmer: "But .NET has much better Garbage collector. Java garbage collector doesn't work quite as well."

Expert: "What do you mean?"

Clueless: ".NET garbage collector checks the .NET code and collects all the garbage code. Java garbage collector does not do that."

Expert: "WTF???!! Garbage collectors don't collect garbage code, you a#$hole."

[sgars]

This is when i was in a Dalali company in Delhi. There was supposed to be some discussions going on with UP state Bridge Construction.

One Japanese guy to me - "Is it a decent co"

Me - Yes. Despite it being
a. A government company
b. On top of that belonging to a state government
c. Above all belonging to UP state government.

[sarv_shaktimaan]

[sgars]

A Desi Colleague to me - Check Shamitabh, It is good.
Me - I don't like good movies.

Kind of spontaneous, but my likings are ulta. i was watching this 'Bollywood Hollywood' by Deepa Mehta and the whole hall seemed to be laughing except me, who felt it was too boring.

[sarv_shaktimaan]

A colleague is going to move his desk out of the team space since he started working on a new project with a different team. While the move actually happens his desk is very cluttered ..

In his absence somebody commented: When will they move his junk out of here?
another colleague commented: I didn't know you were interested in his junk

Everybody around started laughing at the unintended double meaning.

[sgars]

As in any project team, the QA and Dev guys were always fighting with each other. Ultimately some one had to step in to arbitrate and move the thing forward (mostly release manager). I used to call that some one 'ProjectPal' (like Lokpal!)

[sarv_shaktimaan]

Originally Posted by sgars

As in any project team, the QA and Dev guys were always fighting with each other. Ultimately some one had to step in to arbitrate and move the thing forward (mostly release manager). I used to call that some one 'ProjectPal' (like Lokpal!)

The Manager of testing team was mentioning in the morning stand up meeting how the ratio of defects in pre-prod v/s prod for the last month was way too high. Like 4 defects in Preprod v/s 8 introduced in Prod.

One maverick developer goes.. do you ever question why the tests didn't catch those 8 defects before the release? .. followed by stunned silence ..

Eventually Test Mgr says thats why I say let make sure we record the defects in QA.

[sgars]

One colleague was trying to chat up something with a bunch of girls and one of his sentences was "My head is paining, could i have a brain tumor". I was sitting nearby and a spontaneous response came from me "You need to have a brain for that".

[sgars]

From earlier this week.
Colleague - So, you work out in Gym and yet go and feast on Pizzas.
Me - That is better than not working out in Gym and feasting on Pizzas.

[sarv_shaktimaan]

couple of desis ladies in my row of cubes.. both are excited talking about dresses and movies in the mornings.

Few things I overheard that crack me up. First convo on dresses -

woh itna purane style ka blouse kyon pehanti hai .. (I decided not to listen any further.)

After a little while.. next convo on movies -

one goes: Queen me Kangana ki acting kya masssst hai ..
the other: pata nahi.. mujhe to jhalli (punjabi word for crazy) jaisi lagti hai. (I agree .. I don't know why people like this movie that much, I couldn't watch after 20-30 minutes)
first one replies: jaise woh ladkiyan hoti hai naa jo bolo woh karti hain .. (And then I bring out my earphones )

[Jagmohan]

I was working in a MNC,. And had 30+ cubicles, in one large room,..
and one Bihari/UP guy also had joined the company,.. as a fresh beginner
and I had noticed , his English was a pure desi style and he had just come to the US, hardly 3 mos ago,..
and he was still getting used to with what other people speak in American tunes,.
And few patent American accent and style he was not yet totally familiar with.
He was also too loud,.. means if he speaks, other 10 cubicle persons can hear him.

So,.. I guess,… he had heard few people saying,.. “ Relax,…. sit back,. No hurry,… do at your own convenience,...do it anytime,……..no hassle….” Yada yada,…

And all he picked up the word was “hassle” in some sort of confusing way,…

So, once,.. I heard him,.. telling and talking to his nearby cubicle buddy,.. to do him a favor and to do some work for him,..

All,.. he was speaking loud and clear ,.. “Just do it anytime within next 2-3 days,… No ass-hole !”


Haahahaha,.. all 20 cubicle guys/girls I saw having raised their eye-brows !
Whaatttt? What this guy is up to ?
And there was pin-drop silence for next 10 minutes everyone looking at him !! Lol.

And, he even did not know it, for next 2 days that “what went so wrong”,.. until,. I explained him about two different words, 2 days later ! Lol.



Later I also told few other Indians in the office, that do not,... do not,.... ever use the langauge like,.. ( in front of him )

I freaking did this and did that,... ( 'Coz this guys will speak tomorrow, very openly and loud,.. " I fakking did this ",.. etc )
I funked the test. ( 'Coz this guys will speak tomorrow in front of ladies, very openly and loud,.. " I fakked the test ",...etc )

Truly, that mid-age guy was an item !

.

[dirty]

Originally Posted by Jagmohan

I was working in a MNC,. And had 30+ cubicles, in one large room,..
and one Bihari/UP guy also had joined the company,.. as a fresh beginner
and I had noticed , his English was a pure desi style and he had just come to the US, hardly 3 mos ago,..
and he was still getting used to with what other people speak in American tunes,.
And few patent American accent and style he was not yet totally familiar with.
.

I still don't know your tune . When are you coming to US . You know MNC is used in India not US
It's not 3mos ago. It's 3 months back .........again your use of Indian English cracks me up.......