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Friday Special Tickle your funny bone...

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  #1  
Old January 3rd, 2008, 01:39 PM
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2008 Joke Thread

Let's begin with a summary of last year on my computer,


I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about the roach bug poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.


Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.




I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.


Thanks to all of you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (The BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)




I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.


Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.




I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.


I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans .


I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.




And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.




I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.




I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.




I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.




I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.




I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , andUzbekistan




I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.




I no longer use the rest-room in any restaurant because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.




And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up a $5.00 bill dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.




I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!


And thank you so much, for letting me know to call 911 IMMEDIATELY should I find myself in my bathtub, submerged in ice and missing my kidneys.


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 100 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...


Have a wonderful day....also read below.


Oh, by the way.....A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient sex life read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late............
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  #2  
Old January 3rd, 2008, 01:45 PM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

Jesse Jackson was in Sears.

He was there to protest the fact that most of the washing machines were white.

So the clerk called the store manager, who asked, "What's the problem here, Reverend?"

Jesse pointed at the machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that most of them were white.

The manager replied, "Well Reverend, it's true that most of the washing machines are white, but if you'll open the lids, you'll see that all the agitators are black"
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  #3  
Old January 4th, 2008, 01:29 AM
masti123 masti123 is offline
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

One guy suddenly got up in a plain and said



"hijack"



*
*

*
*
*


*
*


*
*


*
*

Everybody in the plane put there hands up.


Then suddenly

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*

Another guy from another side got up and said



"hi...john"




Last edited by Cooldude; January 4th, 2008 at 01:46 AM. Reason: External site link removed. Member is warned not to advertise external sites without prior permission from the admin.
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  #4  
Old January 14th, 2008, 11:49 AM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

This is really funny... could not wait till Friday... still reading but will continue after posting here and after a break laughing...

http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Gre...an_chat_rooms/
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  #5  
Old January 31st, 2008, 11:57 PM
vijaymohan vijaymohan is offline
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

Good joke masti123 post more joke like this and make people more fun.
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  #6  
Old February 1st, 2008, 04:55 AM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by vijaymohan
Good joke masti123 post more joke like this and make people more fun.
Good joke Vijaymohan... hehe... make people more fun!
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  #7  
Old February 1st, 2008, 12:43 PM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

The dumbest ever quiz answers

Question: What was Gandhi's first name? Contestant's answer: Goosey Goosey.


Warning to all those know-alls who shout at the television screen when contestants offer dumb answers to blindingly obvious questions -- one day that could be you.

From regional radio shows to "Who Wants To be a Millionaire?" and "University Challenge," people make fools of themselves -- as internet site www.jumpingjacksbar.com found in collating some of the worst howlers.

Here are leading contenders for the "Dumb Down" gold medal:

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22,1963?

Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then

Presenter: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant: Forrest Gump

Presenter: In which country is Mount Everest?

Contestant: Er, it's not in Scotland is it?

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Presenter: In which European city was the first opera house opened in 1637?

Contestant: Sydney

Presenter: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant: (after long pause) Fourteen days

Presenter: Where did the D-Day landings take place?

Contestant: (after pause) Pearl Harbor?

Presenter: What is the currency in India

Contestant: Ramadan

Presenter: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant: Jesus
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  #8  
Old February 7th, 2008, 12:34 AM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

A corrupt minister used to write 'NOT APPROVED' on all the papers that were sent to him by his assistants, He always left a significant space between NOT and APPROVED.

When the affected persons suitable greased his palms, he would recall the file and just add an 'E:' after NOT so that it became 'NOTE: APPROVED'.

This was the beginning of eBusiness in India!
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  #9  
Old February 16th, 2008, 09:18 AM
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Talking Re: 2008 Joke Thread

Man went 2 RED LIGHT AREA.
DALAL ne prostitute ke naam Car ke naam pe rakhe the.
DALAL: Kaun si chahiye?
Corrola- Rs.7000/-
Skoda- Rs.6000/-
Honda- Rs.5000/-
Ford- Rs.4000/-
Baleno- Rs.2000/-
TATA NANO- Rs.200/-
Man orderd NANO & was shocked to see a HIJDA.
Man: Ye kya hai?
DALAL: Sir, NANO ka Engine Pichhe hota hai.......
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  #10  
Old February 16th, 2008, 09:19 AM
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Talking Re: 2008 Joke Thread

Now some Marathi humour --
Attached Images
File Type: jpg marathi-joke.jpg (16.4 KB, 127 views)
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  #11  
Old February 16th, 2008, 10:55 AM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.

Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... Some things you just can't explain.
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  #12  
Old February 16th, 2008, 12:36 PM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by echarcha
Man went 2 RED LIGHT AREA.
DALAL ne prostitute ke naam Car ke naam pe rakhe the.
DALAL: Kaun si chahiye?
Corrola- Rs.7000/-
Skoda- Rs.6000/-
Honda- Rs.5000/-
Ford- Rs.4000/-
Baleno- Rs.2000/-
TATA NANO- Rs.200/-
Man orderd NANO & was shocked to see a HIJDA.
Man: Ye kya hai?
DALAL: Sir, NANO ka Engine Pichhe hota hai.......
hehehe.... just can't stop laughing!
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  #13  
Old February 16th, 2008, 12:38 PM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

In a Hindi class...

Teacher : "PETER" beer nahi peeta hain - Bacchho... is sentence mein "PETER" kya hain?

Student : Peter chutiy@ hain!
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  #14  
Old February 25th, 2008, 10:55 PM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

A famous soccer player parked his brand new Porsche outside a gift store
and went inside to shop.
About ten minutes later a blonde salesgirl ran up to him shouting, "I just
saw someone steal your sports car."
"Did you try to stop him?" asked the soccer player.
"No," said the blonde. "I did better than that, I got the registration
number of the car!"
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  #15  
Old February 26th, 2008, 05:19 AM
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Re: 2008 Joke Thread

At a wedding, the "ladke-walle" ask... "What is the bride's name?

Ladki-walle - Humari pyaari, Aap ki pyaari, Hum sab ke pyaari - RAMPYAARI... Ladke ka naam kya hain?

Ladke-walle - Humara Gu, Aap ka Gu, Hum sab ka Gu - JAGGU!
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