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  #1  
Old March 6th, 2013, 04:06 AM
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Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

TRUTH is UNBEARABLE. But it is a naked fact that hardly anyone cares to his or her parents in their old age, the last phase of human life. A child is brought up, taken care till getting his or her commonsense. Guidance, suggestion and above all, food and nutrition, and many more are provided to them by the parents in order to make their children physically and mentally strong.. Parents know their duty and responsibility. Hence, they desperately endeavour for making a good career for their kids without knowing the adverse effect of their love and affection for their own modern child. In this material world where young people hardly believe in God, it is a matter of modern fashion that old age parents are left alone in the old age home, a place to wait for last breath of life.

In the modern society, the child when it grows younger, earns money and enjoys all the modern facilities, he or she never cares for his or her old parents. The young children forget the pain which his or her parents tolerated to pave the way of success for them. If the spectacle of old mother breaks unexpectedly or the old father wants some delicious food to taste, then, they are ignored or they hear very rough words from their modern children who are now grown up and better educated.

The modern young children feel it wastage of money if they expense on the medical treatment of their old parents. It is seen that most modern boys and girls who are qualified and sensible, behave in an abnormal way while communicating with their old parents. They are in no mood to understand the feelings and emotions of their parents. They make a frame of certain rules to be followed by everyone who would like to make relation with them, be it relative or friend. The modern young children consider everything in the eyes of transaction, i.e. “give and take policy”. If anything has become a problem for them, then it is none other than the “BURDEN OF PARENTS”.

It is considered that parents are the living image of God and Goddess. Modern civilization is very much keen in adopting a life style where there is no place for blessing from elders. Nuclear family is the order of the modern inhabitants. Living within the fourwalls of home has become the identity of modern civilized people. A word, i.e. "Generation Gap" has little value in comparision to "Communication Gap" in respect to the relationship maintained by the modern human beings with their old aged parents.

Every age has its own philosophy, tradition and culture. It is not possible for the old aged parents to be departed from their own attitudes with whom they have been living years of years. Modern young child feels awkward while moving with his or her old aged parents in outside of home, be it in a park or a coffee shop, be it in a theatre or be it in a party. Modern child possesses a concept that old aged people have their old dated traditional thoughts. In true sense, if I will narrate anything regarding this topic then the real happiness lies in the lap of old aged parents...THINK A WHILE.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 04:46 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by Mukesh View Post
TRUTH is UNBEARABLE. But it is a naked fact that hardly anyone cares to his or her parents in their old age, the last phase of human life. A child is brought up, taken care till getting his or her commonsense. Guidance, suggestion and above all, food and nutrition, and many more are provided to them by the parents in order to make their children physically and mentally strong.. Parents know their duty and responsibility. Hence, they desperately endeavour for making a good career for their kids without knowing the adverse effect of their love and affection for their own modern child. In this material world where young people hardly believe in God, it is a matter of modern fashion that old age parents are left alone in the old age home, a place to wait for last breath of life.

In the modern society, the child when it grows younger, earns money and enjoys all the modern facilities, he or she never cares for his or her old parents. The young children forget the pain which his or her parents tolerated to pave the way of success for them. If the spectacle of old mother breaks unexpectedly or the old father wants some delicious food to taste, then, they are ignored or they hear very rough words from their modern children who are now grown up and better educated.

The modern young children feel it wastage of money if they expense on the medical treatment of their old parents. It is seen that most modern boys and girls who are qualified and sensible, behave in an abnormal way while communicating with their old parents. They are in no mood to understand the feelings and emotions of their parents. They make a frame of certain rules to be followed by everyone who would like to make relation with them, be it relative or friend. The modern young children consider everything in the eyes of transaction, i.e. “give and take policy”. If anything has become a problem for them, then it is none other than the “BURDEN OF PARENTS”.

It is considered that parents are the living image of God and Goddess. Modern civilization is very much keen in adopting a life style where there is no place for blessing from elders. Nuclear family is the order of the modern inhabitants. Living within the fourwalls of home has become the identity of modern civilized people. A word, i.e. "Generation Gap" has little value in comparision to "Communication Gap" in respect to the relationship maintained by the modern human beings with their old aged parents.

Every age has its own philosophy, tradition and culture. It is not possible for the old aged parents to be departed from their own attitudes with whom they have been living years of years. Modern young child feels awkward while moving with his or her old aged parents in outside of home, be it in a park or a coffee shop, be it in a theatre or be it in a party. Modern child possesses a concept that old aged people have their old dated traditional thoughts. In true sense, if I will narrate anything regarding this topic then the real happiness lies in the lap of old aged parents...THINK A WHILE.
What a baghbaan-style tear-jerker. My first comment is that a grown adult should not be lying on the lap of old aged parents. You THINK ABOUT IT...they could be suffering from arthritis or muscle pains. If a grown man weighing 175+ pounds squats on their lap, I don't think they would be happy about it. Most likely, that look on their face is them writhing in pain.

Secondly, every parent is different. Every child is different. Every situation is different. There are some parents who raise their child with the sole purpose of "budhape ka sahara"...what that means to me is that they have a slave to work for them. Parents do aish while the children toil away. Then you have another extreme where kids abandon their parents..or worse, emotionally and physically torture them.

I totally don't subscribe to the "Baghban" philosophy or mindset. In the movie, they never showed Amitabh taking care of his parents when he was young. So why the fuck did he expect his sons to take care of him during his old age? Shouldn't it be to lead by example? Also, why didn't he have the foresight to save for his retirement? Where is personal responsibility? Is it fair to the kids to just have them bear the burden of his retirement? Yes, the parents raised their kids as productive adults...which is a good thing. But that's the responsibility of the parents. Why does that have to come with strings attached? If you are unable to raise kids, don't have them.

Last edited by kalidas; March 6th, 2013 at 06:10 PM.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 05:27 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by kalidas View Post
Also, why didn't he have the foresight to save for his retirement? Where is personal responsibility? Is it fair to the kids to just have them bear the burden of his retirement? Yes, the parents raised their kids as productive adults...which is a good thing. But that's the responsibility of the parents. Why does that have to come with strings attached? If you are unable to raise kids, don't have them.
This is a cruel statement and totally selfish one. While parents spend all their savings/earnings for raising kids and then that grown up so called intellectual son sees into his father's eyes and says : Why didnt you have the foresight to save for your retirement ???

This is utter BS. The very fact that we are able to earn and live a good n healthy life indicates the result of years of hardwork and sacrifices by parents. And even for that you have this answer : This parents have the duty to do this. Blah Blah

Waqt kab badlata hai.. pata nahi chalta janab... This attitude will kill us in many ways.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 05:37 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by ungalprasad View Post
This is a cruel statement and totally selfish one. While parents spend all their savings/earnings for raising kids and then that grown up so called intellectual son sees into his father's eyes and says : Why didnt you have the foresight to save for your retirement ???

This is utter BS. The very fact that we are able to earn and live a good n healthy life indicates the result of years of hardwork and sacrifices by parents. And even for that you have this answer : This parents have the duty to do this. Blah Blah

Waqt kab badlata hai.. pata nahi chalta janab... This attitude will kill us in many ways.
Its not cruel or selfish - its practical. Save for yourself first, your child second. Your child can still make it - he is young. In your old age you cannot make up for lost time.

This does not have to be a two way, repay the doodh ka karz scenario. Remember, your parents CHOSE to have you. You did not choose to have your parents. So the parents have a responsibility to ensure the well being of their offspring. Doesnt work the other way. Not just in humans - in animal species as well. Its always a one way street designed to ensure survival of the species.

Ideally, yes, if one is able to, they should look after the well being of their aged parents. At the same time the parents need to know their place as well. They are now dependents of their children. Act like it. There are several instances where the dependent parents still expect to be treated like the head of the household and this causes tensions in the family especially with the son/daughter in law.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 06:17 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

I think every family is different and we cannot generalize. Things are changing so much in India. 2 generations ago, many people have 4-5 kids. So, bringing them up was a challenge for most people. Saving for retirement was out of the question as many of them were struggling with basic things like education, food etc.

1 generation later (my parents generation), awareness came about. most of them started having 2 or a max of 3 children. They were able to afford the education and other things easily while being able to put money away for retirement.

Current generation (our generation), plan for savings for retirement AND children's education from the time children are born. Retirement savings shoud start as soon as you begin working. If you are sensible, this is what you should be doing.

I am not trying to sound modern and I am not saying that parents should fend for themselves. We will always be there for them in a heartbeat.

Another thing, when I had my baby I didnt have her with the expectation that she will take care of me when I am old. I do everything humanly possible to make her life better. But its out of unconditional love towards her and not out of any expectations from her. That's why I call it unconditional. Else, my love would be conditional.

I am sure she will be the same when she has her own kids. Expecting her to be there for me every single moment of my old age isnt something I want. I want her to be independent of any responsibilities towards me; she should be able to live life as per her wishes. Probably there are people who want their children to be at their servise in old age...I am not saying its bad. Its a personal choice.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 06:51 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

It is not a matter of responsibility - it is a matter of love.
Parents love their children and children love their parents.If this sentiment is absent,then all talks of responsibility is useless.There are many parents who won't demand anything from their kids but still kids will take care of everything - that is the normal Indian family.
Then there are parents who demand something from children and children oblige happily.
If a family does not fall into any of these categories - it is abnormal.Something has gone wrong in bringing up of children.

People with non-Indian mindset will not understand this no matter how hard you try.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 07:00 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by Napolean View Post
People with non-Indian mindset will not understand this no matter how hard you try.
Not true - up until a few generations ago, this was common in western society as well. Indians are just a little behind the times, they will catch up soon.

It starts from when the child reaches adulthood. There used to be a time (and still is very common in India) that the adult child continued to live with the parents. Got married, got a job, had kids, still lived with parents. Then at some point, the line blurs and the parents are living with their kids. In this type of scenario, I agree that there is more of an obligation for the child to look after the parent. But if the child leaves the house at 18 or 20 years of age (not because of a fight, just wants to be indepepndent) there is no obligation any more. The approach changes from pay-it-back to pay-it-forward.

Your parents looked after you when you were young. You do the same to your kids and the debt is repaid. Pay it forward.

Please dont bring love into this. Out of love, you can do anything and everything. We are talking more about obligation, duty, responsibility here.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 08:12 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

yar , i am tired . Dimag kaam nahi kar raha warna zaroor kuch words of wisdom post karti
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Old March 6th, 2013, 08:45 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by ungalprasad View Post
While parents spend all their savings/earnings for raising kids and then that grown up so called intellectual son sees into his father's eyes and says : Why didnt you have the foresight to save for your retirement ???.
And even if they have saved some amount, everyone of them want a share of it. They even kill them to get that amount.

Quote:
Originally Posted by smellyfinger View Post
Ideally, yes, if one is able to, they should look after the well being of their aged parents. At the same time the parents need to know their place as well. They are now dependents of their children. Act like it. There are several instances where the dependent parents still expect to be treated like the head of the household and this causes tensions in the family especially with the son/daughter in law.
OK agree. But will you accept the same treatment when you are old aged. Why do we forget that sooner or later we too have to wear their shoes.

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Originally Posted by Rakhi View Post
Current generation (our generation), plan for savings for retirement AND children's education from the time children are born. Retirement savings shoud start as soon as you begin working. If you are sensible, this is what you should be doing.
.
It is not the question of money madam. Two times of meals cost nothing and they can even have that at a Gurdwara or a temple.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Napolean View Post
It is not a matter of responsibility - it is a matter of love.
Parents love their children and children love their parents.If this sentiment is absent,then all talks of responsibility is useless.There are many parents who won't demand anything from their kids but still kids will take care of everything - that is the normal Indian family.
Then there are parents who demand something from children and children oblige happily.
If a family does not fall into any of these categories - it is abnormal.Something has gone wrong in bringing up of children.

People with non-Indian mindset will not understand this no matter how hard you try.
I appreciate your views. You cant buy everything from money alone ..

Quote:
Originally Posted by smellyfinger View Post
Not true - up until a few generations ago, this was common in western society as well. Indians are just a little behind the times, they will catch up soon.
If you think that you have westernized yourself than you are wrong. Your view will change when your children grow up.

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Originally Posted by sonia View Post
yar , i am tired . Dimag kaam nahi kar raha warna zaroor kuch words of wisdom post karti
Than keep your shitty mind out and dont try to deviate this topic.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 08:57 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by Mukesh View Post
And even if they have saved some amount, everyone of them want a share of it. They even kill them to get that amount.



OK agree. But will you accept the same treatment when you are old aged. Why do we forget that sooner or later we too have to wear their shoes.


It is not the question of money madam. Two times of meals cost nothing and they can even have that at a Gurdwara or a temple.


I appreciate your views. You cant buy everything from money alone ..


If you think that you have westernized yourself than you are wrong. Your view will change when your children grow up.



Than keep your shitty mind out and dont try to deviate this topic.
If its not about money and responsibility, what is it about then? Love? If its love, most people do love and care for/about their parents. Maybe you are talking about extreme cases...Bahgban (whats that movie again?) types. You dont see those cases often.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 09:02 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by smellyfinger View Post
Not true - up until a few generations ago, this was common in western society as well. Indians are just a little behind the times, they will catch up soon.

It starts from when the child reaches adulthood. There used to be a time (and still is very common in India) that the adult child continued to live with the parents. Got married, got a job, had kids, still lived with parents. Then at some point, the line blurs and the parents are living with their kids. In this type of scenario, I agree that there is more of an obligation for the child to look after the parent. But if the child leaves the house at 18 or 20 years of age (not because of a fight, just wants to be indepepndent) there is no obligation any more. The approach changes from pay-it-back to pay-it-forward.

Your parents looked after you when you were young. You do the same to your kids and the debt is repaid. Pay it forward.

Please dont bring love into this. Out of love, you can do anything and everything. We are talking more about obligation, duty, responsibility here.
Boss,it is a matter of love only.The moment you forget love,then it is like your relation with any other person.
And you say Indians will follow suit as westerners - I say Westerners have gone on wrong track.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 09:08 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by Rakhi View Post
If its not about money and responsibility, what is it about then? Love? If its love, most people do love and care for/about their parents. Maybe you are talking about extreme cases...Bahgban (whats that movie again?) types. You dont see those cases often.
No ,, it is not Baghban but beyond that. The new generation has become cruel towards their parents. They make them suffer and live in hardship. Lock them up in the houses ... Force them to sign papers .. Declare them mental .. Drag them to courts ... AND ALSO KILL THEM ...
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Old March 6th, 2013, 09:15 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by Mukesh View Post
No ,, it is not Baghban but beyond that. The new generation has become cruel towards their parents. They make them suffer and live in hardship. Lock them up in the houses ... Force them to sign papers .. Declare them mental .. Drag them to courts ... AND ALSO KILL THEM ...
You are talking extreme cases. This doesnt happen day in and day out.
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Old March 6th, 2013, 09:18 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Originally Posted by Mukesh View Post
...

OK agree. But will you accept the same treatment when you are old aged. Why do we forget that sooner or later we too have to wear their shoes.


If you think that you have westernized yourself than you are wrong. Your view will change when your children grow up.

...
Why is this always a one-way thought process... that parents are dependent and want to live with their children I am a very noisy person... yes, in everything I do... and I will definitely not want to live with my children or their children knowing that they can hear everything... will be very embarrassing. Other like-minded old people are fine... especially if there will be a variety of selections for the picking. An old-age-home sounds like the perfect option for me... especially since some echaniyas have promised to give me company
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Old March 6th, 2013, 09:19 AM
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Re: Old Aged Parents - Are They Burden for Modern Society ?

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Boss,it is a matter of love only.The moment you forget love,then it is like your relation with any other person.
And you say Indians will follow suit as westerners - I say Westerners have gone on wrong track.
Napoleon, I am sure everyone loves their respective parents (not taking about one off cases). I think the talk is about how "obligated" are you towards your parents. Since we love them, we will do everything to make them happy. In west as well as in India.

I dont find anything wrong with the western set up. Like I said before, each family needs are different. You cannot generalize and say that obligation and love come hand in hand. They dont. There are tons of seniors centers where old age people are comfortable and happy, perhaps better than they are at home. Doesnt mean we love them any less. I think the discussion is about the stereotypical cases where children neglect parents an their health.

By this, I am not saying you should not help your parents when they need you. I am not able to articulate well...

Last edited by Rakhi; March 6th, 2013 at 09:22 AM.
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