Travel Guide to India for Dummies

[motowner]

During my recent trip to India I did a small mental study on people's behavior. One of the observations I made was about standing in line. Its amazing how an otherwise docile, polite, infinitely patient group of people can turn into an aggressive mob when asked to stand in line and wait for their turn. So I decided to write down some instructions for unsuspecting travelers to India. Here goes...

How to stand in line in India

1) If you are anywhere between #2 and #5 in the line, stand right next to the #1 person (NOT behind). Make sure you stick in your hand in through the hole in the glass or atleast wave your hand frantically in front of the #1, until the guy behind the counter acknowledges your existence.

2) If you are #6 through infinity in line, and are actually standing behind another person, make sure some part of your body is always touching the person in front of you. Do not be ashamed/disgusted to make any homoerotic moves even if you are not sexually oriented that way.

3) Make sure you do not shower for a week before you stand in line and pray that the guy behind you is repelled by your body odor. (Also pray that the guy in front of you hasn't thought of the same trick)

4) If the guy standing in front of you even takes half a step out of the line, do not hesitate to push/shove him out and take his place. (Remember the guy behind you is also looking for an opportunity to do the same to you).

5) Always keep an eye out for known faces ahead of you in line. If you find anyone thats even remotely known/related to you, strike up a long distance conversation and try to measure your chances of sneaking ahead of that person in line.

Gotta go now. Please chip in with your experiences.:D

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[smellyfinger]

Tip #1 for dummies

If you are a dummy, dont go to India. Plenty of dummies there already - as well as those ready to take advantage of dummies. Dummies may find themselves mysteriously separated from their cash, valuables and bowel controls.

[motowner]

Tip #1 for dummies

If you are a dummy, dont go to India. Plenty of dummies there already - as well as those ready to take advantage of dummies. Dummies may find themselves mysteriously separated from their cash, valuables and bowel controls.

Thats one tip dummies tend to ignore.

[echarcha]

Excellent thread! I will recount my experience from my recent India trip.

[Mahakali]

During my recent trip to India I did a small mental study on people's behavior. One of the observations I made was about standing in line. Its amazing how an otherwise docile, polite, infinitely patient group of people can turn into an aggressive mob when asked to stand in line and wait for their turn. So I decided to write down some instructions for unsuspecting travelers to India. Here goes...

How to stand in line in India

1) If you are anywhere between #2 and #5 in the line, stand right next to the #1 person (NOT behind). Make sure you stick in your hand in through the hole in the glass or atleast wave your hand frantically in front of the #1, until the guy behind the counter acknowledges your existence.

2) If you are #6 through infinity in line, and are actually standing behind another person, make sure some part of your body is always touching the person in front of you. Do not be ashamed/disgusted to make any homoerotic moves even if you are not sexually oriented that way.

3) Make sure you do not shower for a week before you stand in line and pray that the guy behind you is repelled by your body odor. (Also pray that the guy in front of you hasn't thought of the same trick)

4) If the guy standing in front of you even takes half a step out of the line, do not hesitate to push/shove him out and take his place. (Remember the guy behind you is also looking for an opportunity to do the same to you).

5) Always keep an eye out for known faces ahead of you in line. If you find anyone thats even remotely known/related to you, strike up a long distance conversation and try to measure your chances of sneaking ahead of that person in line.

Gotta go now. Please chip in with your experiences.:D


In India, you don't have lines. You have semi-circles (sometimes, it is semi-sphere), with the ticketing office at the centerpoint. Everyone follows the path of least resistance.

[razzrhino]

If you are having to stand in line in India you are obviously not throwing enuff money around...:smartass:

[Mahakali]

If you are having to stand in line in India you are obviously not throwing enuff money around...:smartass:

Gareeb ke pet pe laath kyon maar raha hai? He is from motown.

[smellyfinger]

If you are having to stand in line in India you are obviously not throwing enuff money around...:smartass:

Line maarna aur line mein lagna do alag baatein hain :D

Indians very good at former - not so much at latter :D

[Sane Less]

...

How to stand in line in India

1) If you are anywhere between #2 and #5 in the line, stand right next to the #1 person (NOT behind). Make sure you stick in your hand in through the hole in the glass or atleast wave your hand frantically in front of the #1, until the guy behind the counter acknowledges your existence.

2) If you are #6 through infinity in line, and are actually standing behind another person, make sure some part of your body is always touching the person in front of you. Do not be ashamed/disgusted to make any homoerotic moves even if you are not sexually oriented that way.

3) Make sure you do not shower for a week before you stand in line and pray that the guy behind you is repelled by your body odor. (Also pray that the guy in front of you hasn't thought of the same trick)

4) If the guy standing in front of you even takes half a step out of the line, do not hesitate to push/shove him out and take his place. (Remember the guy behind you is also looking for an opportunity to do the same to you).

5) Always keep an eye out for known faces ahead of you in line. If you find anyone thats even remotely known/related to you, strike up a long distance conversation and try to measure your chances of sneaking ahead of that person in line.

...

6) Always be wary that your counter can close at any time, usually sharply for lunch and tea breaks. At this time, instead of feeling stranded and rejected, you are supposed to be merged into an adjacent queue, where your new position will be relative to where you were standing in the closed queue. Do not go to the end of the adjacent queue.


Edit:
7) If a new counter opens up, you do not stay in your current queue or leisurely walk over to the new queue. You rush and scramble and push people away till you are the first one to buy the ticket.

[Premi]

#10 - take out ur leather belt and start pelting fellow dummies there who didnt think of this before you... everyone is in corner then go to the counter buy ur tickets take the change and walk away with belt still around ur neck..... when out of sight of those dummies... RUN LIKE HELL.....

:rotfl:

[echarcha]

When in Mumbai these days, do not insist to the cab driver or rickshaw driver to take a certain route unless you are very sure that the road you asked for is not dug up due to Metro rail work.

Keep in mind that entire Mumbai is dug up for Metro rail and skywalks near stations and other major roads. So wherever you go, you will be stuck in traffic.

[echarcha]

There is this new chain, new to me at least since my 2010 trip, called MOD or Mad Over Donuts.

Now I can understand folks wanting to eat donuts, a very common thing here in the US and popularized and stereotyped by cops ;). But when I saw that the local MOD near Natural Ice-Cream in Juhu was always crowded even late at night, it made me wonder if people understood that donuts are usually a breakfast or morning thing. Not something you enjoy as a dessert at night. Heck donut shops here, most of them, close by early evening.

So yes, if you find a new fad/craze which has opened up in India, rest assured that people will line up for that at all hours of the day.

[Premi]

When in Mumbai these days, do not insist to the cab driver or rickshaw driver to take a certain route unless you are very sure that the road you asked for is not dug up due to Metro rail work.

Keep in mind that entire Mumbai is dug up for Metro rail and skywalks near stations and other major roads. So wherever you go, you will be stuck in traffic.


this was situation in Delhi few years back but when the work got done... it was pretty good experience in metro that people forgot all their grief due to the road-digging and detours.

[motowner]

Most people think driving in India is really difficult. On the contrary, its actually very simple. There are only 3 basic rules you need to follow. Read on...

How to drive in India:

1) Make sure your horn is working properly. It doesnt matter if your brake works or not, but your horn must be in 100% working condition. The more annoying sound it makes the better. If you can afford it buy an air compressor horn with a separate battery. And dont forget the musical chime for the reverse gear!

2) You can drive in the wrong direction, sway across lanes (hahaha.. lanes.. never mind!), tailgate, cut people off, drive super fast or super slow, however wherever you want. Only one thing to remember is dont hit the car/truck/bail gaadi/kutta directly in front of you.

3) Whatever you do, do not stop. If the truck in front of you brakes sharply, just turn your wheel so you dont hit the truck (if you driving a Nano, you can even consider going under the truck!). Dont worry about the guy behind hitting you, coz he'll be following rule # 2.

And that's pretty much it! Anything I missed?

[motowner]

If you are having to stand in line in India you are obviously not throwing enuff money around...:smartass:

Either that, or you dont have or know the right strings to pull.

[motowner]

Gareeb ke pet pe laath kyon maar raha hai? He is from motown.

Dukhti nas pe haath mat rakh :(

Gareebon ki suno woh tumhaari sunega...

[echarcha]

Now this here is not from India for sure, but just thought I would share :D

0uv9gPPCW7s

[Premi]

Now this here is not from India for sure, but just thought I would share :D

0uv9gPPCW7s


poor bus driver didnt understand why car driver were stopped at intersection.. :(


watch closely at the windows at 10:50:39 one lungi jumped out and saved his skin... :D:D:D:D

it is India... green color auto are everywhere CNG option. and musalla roaming free and lungi ... somewhere southie part.... hyderabad may be

[Ravi]

How to stand in line in IndiaPrecisely where did you see a line in India? I ain't see no line here. Nada, zip, zilch

[PeaceSeeker]

Precisely where did you see a line in India? I ain't see no line here. Nada, zip, zilch
mumbai, andheri east, u can see people standing in queue to board BEST bus even past 11 PM

[GameOn]

Precisely where did you see a line in India? I ain't see no line here. Nada, zip, zilch

bhai agar naheen line mein naheen khadi janta, to apna naada, zip and other openers kyun khol rahe ho bhai??....aise karr ke public aagey jaane degi??

[badriprasad]

Indian Railways should stop serving farty food to Vegetarians ... okay in coaches where you can open windows but air-conditioned compartments should be a no no. Ventilation system is not strong enough to help eliminate bad smell of farts which start about an hour or two after vegetarians are finished eating.

No offense to vegetarian members. :D