How to deal with Divorce?

[Premi]

Marriage is not a mushy mushy love affair, its a commitment for a relation and first step into family-life which requires most of the time, efforts and finances to make it happen, work and prosper in a positive way.

The sooner you learn this the better, BUT if its too late to get used to the adjustments and ignoring things then what... Divorce.

How to get over it OR first how to deal with it? Its different for both men and women and both should be dealing with it quite carefully otherwise it can ruin the entire life emotionally. People can go into metropolitan life of being at office 9 hours and come home eat and get drunk and sleep and weekends hang out with friends and at night get drunk at club and pick up a sex partner for the night but how long you can go like this. I mean there should be some emotional phases in the life where you have to deal with your tears and face the mirror.

Is living a life of a divorcee easier abroad than desh?


Thread awarded Crown of the Week (ending July 30th 2010. Original forum: Relationships)
http://www.echarcha.com/forum/images/week_crown.jpg - Winner of Crown of the week!

[swami]

Paging our D-expert Dhuru pai :smartass:

[swami]

To avoid divorce,avoid marriage ;)
Marriage is not a mushy mushy love affair, its a commitment for a relation and first step into family-life which requires most of the time, efforts and finances to make it happen, work and prosper in a positive way.

The sooner you learn this the better, BUT if its too late to get used to the adjustments and ignoring things then what... Divorce.

How to get over it OR first how to deal with it? Its different for both men and women and both should be dealing with it quite carefully otherwise it can ruin the entire life emotionally. People can go into metropolitan life of being at office 9 hours and come home eat and get drunk and sleep and weekends hang out with friends and at night get drunk at club and pick up a sex partner for the night but how long you can go like this. I mean there should be some emotional phases in the life where you have to deal with your tears and face the mirror.

Is living a life of a divorcee easier abroad than desh?

[dirty]

Marriage is not a mushy mushy love affair, its a commitment for a relation and first step into family-life which requires most of the time, efforts and finances to make it happen, work and prosper in a positive way.

The sooner you learn this the better, BUT if its too late to get used to the adjustments and ignoring things then what... Divorce.

How to get over it OR first how to deal with it? Its different for both men and women and both should be dealing with it quite carefully otherwise it can ruin the entire life emotionally. People can go into metropolitan life of being at office 9 hours and come home eat and get drunk and sleep and weekends hang out with friends and at night get drunk at club and pick up a sex partner for the night but how long you can go like this. I mean there should be some emotional phases in the life where you have to deal with your tears and face the mirror.

Is living a life of a divorcee easier abroad than desh?

Or stay in office and ogle at mexian workers .........:rotfl::D

[echarcha]

Looks like our Crown of the Week is spurring a lot of interesting topics ;)

[krantikari]

Looks like our Crown of the Week is spurring a lot of interesting topics ;)

Now don't start it again. Yogi is already sulking. ;)

[tantric_yogi]

Now don't start it again. Yogi is already sulking. ;)

I am considering my options. I read disclaimers. Nothing in rules and laws to stop me from inserting one in my own signature. I am still thinking and waiting for desperation to set in. :rotfl:

Premibhai ... your post is open-ended ... ambiguous ... offers not one clue. Divorce is a messy affair. There are no nice thoughts associated with a divorce .... its always bitterness which stays.

Is it 3rd party? is it money? is it love?

Difficult when it involves love cause once a woman falls out of love with her man ... game ends. You can work over feelings of a man ... women are a ball game which few men can follow.

[dhurandhar]

Paging our D-expert Dhuru pai :smartass:

After 9 years and 10000 posts, I think it is not fun anymore... to keep up the facade and screw with some members or.... allow members to make me feel that they are buying my claims.

I am not (edit: and never was) married to begin with....so the question of divorce does not arise.

I have nothing to say on this matter.

As you may have noted, this post does not have any emoticons.

[amritvani]

Marriage is not a mushy mushy love affair, its a commitment for a relation and first step into family-life which requires most of the time, efforts and finances to make it happen, work and prosper in a positive way.

The sooner you learn this the better, BUT if its too late to get used to the adjustments and ignoring things then what... Divorce.

How to get over it OR first how to deal with it? Its different for both men and women and both should be dealing with it quite carefully otherwise it can ruin the entire life emotionally. People can go into metropolitan life of being at office 9 hours and come home eat and get drunk and sleep and weekends hang out with friends and at night get drunk at club and pick up a sex partner for the night but how long you can go like this. I mean there should be some emotional phases in the life where you have to deal with your tears and face the mirror.

Is living a life of a divorcee easier abroad than desh?


I think you are just talking about a couple, which is fine, you can get over the depression and start looking for greener pastures; i would say people should seek divorce if they can't mend a relationship instead of just hanging on.

However, when kids are involved, recovering from a divorce becomes much tougher and could haunt for the whole life.

Also if the two families knew each other before the marriage, it may become a bit strange as they start finding faults with the other party (all the ex couple may be okay wth it).

[Veljibhai]

Bhai lok,

Hum to aise case deal karnaa nahi jaante. Vakil log ko bhi family ke pet bharnaa padtaa hai naa. Usko case de do.:D

[dhurandhar]

After 9 years and 10000 posts, I think it is not fun anymore... to keep up the facade and screw with some members or.... allow members to make me feel that they are buying my claims.

I am not (edit: and never was) married to begin with....so the question of divorce does not arise.

I have nothing to say on this matter.

As you may have noted, this post does not have any emoticons.

No reaction from any echan?:D:D

[Rakhi]

Divorce is emotionally taxing for any couple irrespective of which nationality one belongs to. Most of the time it comes as relief for the people involved because they cannot reconcile their differences and divorce is the only option left.

The question is where is where is it easier to cope with divorce. It depends on one person to another and cannot be generalized. Back home we all have aunts, cousins etc pouring out their pity. Here we might not have many people around. So if you are a person who needs company to cope, then India; else somewhere else.

[Pratiksha]

It is just like any break up of a short or of a very deeply emotionally involved relationship. Just that it is legal.

The initiator always has a good explanation atleast for himself and also an upperhand and hence psychologically he is better off as compared to the person at the receiving end (disclaimer: most of the time IMHO)

In the above case the person at the rec-end is in complete emotional turmoil, low self esteem, in a still-trying-to figure-out-why? state. :(

But then there are times when the initiator was naive and the partner had left him/her in doldrums and hence the earlier had to break-up/divorce the latter.

In the above case the initiator is in complete emotional turmoil, low self esteem, in a still-trying-to figure-out-why? state. :(

To cope in such situations is very tough. But I guess time is the best healer. Get support from friends, family, and try not to think too much about it.:dontknow::(

[Premi]

Paging our D-expert Dhuru pai :smartass:

Paging you for your own feelings and expert comments.

To avoid divorce,avoid marriage ;)

shouldnt be always divorce, as dollyG said it is a love affair ( legal ) so it could shatter the dreams and bring down your personality to lowest level if not coped up properly.

Or stay in office and ogle at mexian workers .........:rotfl::D

Thats one way of saying " Girls are like Buses ... eik jayegi to doosri aayegi..." but I was asking about love of your life going away ... not just a fuck-buddy. ;)

Looks like our Crown of the Week is spurring a lot of interesting topics ;)

The holders of the crown have same smell :shit: so doesnt make any difference I guess. I want to hear from you too what you think of a broken relationship .. a true Sunit's heart ..what it is saying... once a while take of that Admin gown and talk to us as our buddy. We are here to talk/leg-pulling/kick asses/shouldering crying buddies .... all.... not just for collecting crowns for one week.

Now don't start it again. Yogi is already sulking. ;)

Yogiji as he said he can create threads anytime to win one so he is not in the race and no-one is when they start a thread. you read my first post again and tell us what a krantikari think of his heart going away from him.

:)

[Rakhi]

Are you personally going through a breakup? If yes then I am quite sure no one will attempt to sideline the topic. If not, I guess you can expect a bit of derailment.

[Premi]

I am considering my options. I read disclaimers. Nothing in rules and laws to stop me from inserting one in my own signature. I am still thinking and waiting for desperation to set in. :rotfl:

Premibhai ... your post is open-ended ... ambiguous ... offers not one clue. Divorce is a messy affair. There are no nice thoughts associated with a divorce .... its always bitterness which stays.

Is it 3rd party? is it money? is it love?

Difficult when it involves love cause once a woman falls out of love with her man ... game ends. You can work over feelings of a man ... women are a ball game which few men can follow.

We know you are maharaj of crowns.

Bitterness ... yes ... thats what I asking people to elaborate on what kind of bitterness they feel when breaking a relationship ( or more important is a marriage ) cant think about how people feel when kids are involved too. Always its not money or 3rd party but some times its incompatibility between partners who tie a knot without thinking twice about their own nature and behaviours and end up screwing each others life with the fightings and not understanding their partners needs of the time. The interest in relationship could be going abroad, money, getting out of another relationship or family pressure but no love in marriages and no speculations before getting into relationships are the major causes of seprations.


After 9 years and 10000 posts, I think it is not fun anymore... to keep up the facade and screw with some members or.... allow members to make me feel that they are buying my claims.

I am not (edit: and never was) married to begin with....so the question of divorce does not arise.

I have nothing to say on this matter.

As you may have noted, this post does not have any emoticons.

Why I m not surprised.

Bhai lok,

Hum to aise case deal karnaa nahi jaante. Vakil log ko bhi family ke pet bharnaa padtaa hai naa. Usko case de do.:D

think about the breakup you had ( may be not real but hema malini and sharmila tagore types ...) you were down, irritated, angry on everything for few weeks and then it was all normal. that type experience. ;)

No reaction from any echan?:D:D


thats cos every echan knew you were bluffing about ur wives and divorce except a few who wait for your reply in these queries.

[Premi]

Are you personally going through a breakup? If yes then I am quite sure no one will attempt to sideline the topic. If not, I guess you can expect a bit of derailment.

I m not worried about the derailment dear... :)

Me... Oh no no NO :eek:

I asked echarchans cos recently I watched this ...


.

90J7OJ4TWj0

[Charchila]

No reaction from any echan?:D:D
Sorry, I was still lapeting :D

[krantikari]

you read my first post again and tell us what a krantikari think of his heart going away from him.

:)

Well I have summed up my opinion in this old post already.

http://www.echarcha.com/forum/showpost.php?p=375979&postcount=11

[tantric_yogi]

Divorce is emotionally taxing for any couple irrespective of which nationality one belongs to. Most of the time it comes as relief for the people involved because they cannot reconcile their differences and divorce is the only option left.

The question is where is where is it easier to cope with divorce. It depends on one person to another and cannot be generalized. Back home we all have aunts, cousins etc pouring out their pity. Here we might not have many people around. So if you are a person who needs company to cope, then India; else somewhere else.

Rakhiji ... a man needs this support more than women. Man like the one in Premibhai's main post ends up in bar drinking himself to the ground. Women have it easy for they have the tools ... nature made sure of that.

I find strange that for a woman ... Pratikhsaji has come so close to what most men go through.

We know you are maharaj of crowns.

Bitterness ... yes ... thats what I asking people to elaborate on what kind of bitterness they feel when breaking a relationship ( or more important is a marriage ) cant think about how people feel when kids are involved too. Always its not money or 3rd party but some times its incompatibility between partners who tie a knot without thinking twice about their own nature and behaviours and end up screwing each others life with the fightings and not understanding their partners needs of the time. The interest in relationship could be going abroad, money, getting out of another relationship or family pressure but no love in marriages and no speculations before getting into relationships are the major causes of seprations.


Despise we may ... people of certain religion do have the solution on how to keep men sane and to make marriage, family, and society work. A man ... a woman ... kids ... divided responsibilities ... cohesive family life ... the one we grew up in ... is doomed. The way things are going.

[amritvani]

Is living a life of a divorcee easier abroad than desh?

Yes, it depends on how the divorcee takes it and divorce is pailful regardless of location, but a) there are more avenues of diversion abroad and b) potentially less number friends and relatives abroad who are familiar with the divorcee's situation so the divorce wouldn't be reminded of as often.

[tantric_yogi]

Yes, it depends on how the divorcee takes it and divorce is pailful regardless of location, but a) there are more avenues of diversion abroad and b) potentially less number friends and relatives abroad who are familiar with the divorcee's situation so the divorce wouldn't be reminded of as often.

You haven't got a clue to how wrong you are, Amritji.

[amritvani]

You haven't got a clue to how wrong you are, Amritji.

Possibly. Three of my colleagues were divorced in the last decade. One of them was cool. The other took a transfer to another state. Both of them did not have much problem. The third one was devastated and doing some kind of therapy, he was drinking and unreliable so we had to take project work away from him. This is in the US.

Two others in India were divorced; one I knew personally and other was colleague at work. Both seemed to go through a lot more pain than the US guys.

What is your experience? Sounds like it is different...

[Pratiksha]

I find strange that for a woman ... Pratikhsaji has come so close to what most men go through.


Don't be so surprised TYji. I have given my shoulder to sobbing heads of friends both female and male in college days. But time has always been the best healer. Only difference one is official and the other is unofficial. But the emotions are the same.

Trying to reason out the situation and finding an answer to the why??? will keep one in the same never ending loop of emotional distress. Accepting, learning a lesson and moving on is the best remedy.:dontknow:

[Premi]

Possibly. Three of my colleagues were divorced in the last decade. One of them was cool. The other took a transfer to another state. Both of them did not have much problem. The third one was devastated and doing some kind of therapy, he was drinking and unreliable so we had to take project work away from him. This is in the US.

Two others in India were divorced; one I knew personally and other was colleague at work. Both seemed to go through a lot more pain than the US guys.

What is your experience? Sounds like it is different...

I know only one and he was seeing a psychiatrist to cope up with all the troubles he was facing including feeding 2 yr old child to matching socks. even mixing fruit paste to cereal was written on the door of the fridge at his home. before divorce he was totally cool with his work and social gatherings with lovely lady on the side. problem started in her pregnancy and they couldnt resist to fight everyday in 9 months of pregnancy. just after birth, she filed and 1 year after they got it done. he has 2 days in a week the baby visit and he is preparing 5 days for those 2 days.

[tantric_yogi]

Amritji and Pratikhshaji ... let me come back in couple of hours ... need to take care of matters urgent at work ... if you were to place yourselves in my shoes (I am just saying that to make you feel good cause otherwise impossible task for mere :rotfl: ordinary humans like you to be in my shoes) ... because of early inductions, doctrines, and conditioning ... we almost always start sympathising with the woman ... shocking so often when you end up feeling sorry for the guy. Often is becoming more often now is what I am saying.

later

[Napolean]

After 9 years and 10000 posts, I think it is not fun anymore... to keep up the facade and screw with some members or.... allow members to make me feel that they are buying my claims.

I am not (edit: and never was) married to begin with....so the question of divorce does not arise.

I have nothing to say on this matter.

As you may have noted, this post does not have any emoticons.
I knew you were joking all this while- but did not know you were not even married.That was a shock.
How old are you - 16 going on 17?

[dhurandhar]

I knew you were joking all this while- but did not know you were not even married.That was a shock.
How old are you - 16 going on 17?

what makes you think I am a teenager?:D

[Premi]

Possibly. Three of my colleagues were divorced in the last decade. One of them was cool. The other took a transfer to another state. Both of them did not have much problem. The third one was devastated and doing some kind of therapy, he was drinking and unreliable so we had to take project work away from him. This is in the US.

Two others in India were divorced; one I knew personally and other was colleague at work. Both seemed to go through a lot more pain than the US guys.

What is your experience? Sounds like it is different...

Don't be so surprised TYji. I have given my shoulder to sobbing heads of friends both female and male in college days. But time has always been the best healer. Only difference one is official and the other is unofficial. But the emotions are the same.

Trying to reason out the situation and finding an answer to the why??? will keep one in the same never ending loop of emotional distress. Accepting, learning a lesson and moving on is the best remedy.:dontknow:


situations and distress could be the same for breakup and divorce but dealing with it could be entirely different. sobbing on friend's shoulder, taking transfers and drinking is NOT a solution of the problem. how to deal with the situation which is worse when kids are invloved as I said earlier. Is going to family counselling only option OR there are other ways to get on with life apart from get on to drugs and drinking.

[Pratiksha]

situations and distress could be the same for breakup and divorce but dealing with it could be entirely different. sobbing on friend's shoulder, taking transfers and drinking is NOT a solution of the problem. how to deal with the situation which is worse when kids are invloved as I said earlier. Is going to family counselling only option OR there are other ways to get on with life apart from get on to drugs and drinking.

Premi, here is the story of my husbands dear friend for 20+ years. I know him for 10+ years now. He and his son is our only family in US.

PART I:

When I got married and came to US, my husbands friend lets call him XYZ and his wife with their 4 month old son were the only people I knew. Both XYZ and Mrs XYZ were true friends, warm, kind, helpful. As a friend both XYZ and Mrs XYZ were great individually. I will not find faults in them individually.

Their son turned one the same year I had gotten married. On their sons birthday lets call him S, we were invited to a temple and it was a grand function.

But soon after that we came to know that Mrs XYZ left to another state for vacation(she was a working mom). Months passed and we didnt see XYZ nor did we see Mrs XYZ. We even asked xyz'z sister about his whereabouts.

Will pen down the story when I get to office during lunch time.

-------------------------------------------
Sorry we had a luncheon..
PART II

Came to know that xyz was hospitalized for weakness. After a few days xyz returned to work and went into my hubz cabin and cried for hours and talked. It seems mrsxyz had left him for good. 5 years of marriage down the drain and it involved a child. Reason, couldnt get along. mrsxyz I am calling her A for now claimed that xyz was too dominating. He would insult her in front of in laws etc. He once even raised his hands at her in walmart in front of his parents and sister just because she said she didnt liek the carpet color the in laws had chosen and many such things.

My analysis- She ignored and tolerated all these things without any murmur and then it exploded like a dormant volcano.

The divorce was so bad. It went on for years like 8 years. She was hell bent on making him pay for everything. She was on a venomous rampage. They both spend 300000USD on divorce lawyers and counselors all in vain. Her family was so dead against him. Horrible divorce. Even her lawyer said that this is the longest divorce case she has ever dealt with :(

But xyz rose to the occassion. Instead of channelizing all his negative energy and distress into bad habits like drinking, he read software books voraciously. He plays synth so well that he started creating music albums and shifting all his pain into his music. From a small GUI developer he is now a successful Enterprise SOA architect minting money. He gathered strength from close friends like us and his family who would not even utter a word about her or bad mouth her to make him feel better. We slowly balanced his thoughts about himself and her.

It all depends on individuals will to rise above the situation or to go deeper into it and get so entangled in it that there is no way out.

Now after 9 years things have smoothened out. There are tiffs but things are much better now between the two atleast they communicate about their kids.

[Premi]

Premi, here is the story of my husbands dear friend for 20+ years. I know him for 10+ years now. He and his son is our only family in US.

.......

Will pen down the story when I get to office during lunch time.


I guess she missed her lunch today. ... but I m still waiting to hear the full story. :)

[Pratiksha]

I guess she missed her lunch today. ... but I m still waiting to hear the full story. :)

Updated my post with part 2. I have to leave for home now. So just wrote the whole story in a hurry. :(

[kkkk]

Premi, here is the story of my husbands dear friend for 20+ years. I know him for 10+ years now. He and his son is our only family in US.

PART I:

When I got married and came to US, my husbands friend lets call him XYZ and his wife with their 4 month old son were the only people I knew. Both XYZ and Mrs XYZ were true friends, warm, kind, helpful. As a friend both XYZ and Mrs XYZ were great individually. I will not find faults in them individually.

Their son turned one the same year I had gotten married. On their sons birthday lets call him S, we were invited to a temple and it was a grand function.

But soon after that we came to know that Mrs XYZ left to another state for vacation(she was a working mom). Months passed and we didnt see XYZ nor did we see Mrs XYZ. We even asked xyz'z sister about his whereabouts.

Will pen down the story when I get to office during lunch time.

-------------------------------------------
Sorry we had a luncheon..
PART II

Came to know that xyz was hospitalized for weakness. After a few days xyz returned to work and went into my hubz cabin and cried for hours and talked. It seems mrsxyz had left him for good. 5 years of marriage down the drain and it involved a child. Reason, couldnt get along. mrsxyz I am calling her A for now claimed that xyz was too dominating. He would insult her in front of in laws etc. He once even raised his hands at her in walmart in front of his parents and sister just because she said she didnt liek the carpet color the in laws had chosen and many such things.

My analysis- She ignored and tolerated all these things without any murmur and then it exploded like a dormant volcano.

The divorce was so bad. It went on for years like 8 years. She was hell bent on making him pay for everything. She was on a venomous rampage. They both spend 300000USD on divorce lawyers and counselors all in vain. Her family was so dead against him. Horrible divorce. Even her lawyer said that this is the longest divorce case she has ever dealt with :(

But xyz rose to the occassion. Instead of channelizing all his negative energy and distress into bad habits like drinking, he read software books voraciously. He plays synth so well that he started creating music albums and shifting all his pain into his music. From a small GUI developer he is now a successful Enterprise SOA architect minting money. He gathered strength from close friends like us and his family who would not even utter a word about her or bad mouth her to make him feel better. We slowly balanced his thoughts about himself and her.

It all depends on individuals will to rise above the situation or to go deeper into it and get so entangled in it that there is no way out.

Now after 9 years things have smoothened out. There are tiffs but things are much better now between the two atleast they communicate about their kids.

was it true? did he really hit her in the walmart in front of her parents?

[swami]

Updated my post with part 2. I have to leave for home now. So just wrote the whole story in a hurry. :(
Pratikshaji Auntyji please use edit feature to correct or delete things only,if you use it to update most of the members would miss it unless you tell, like you did in the above post

[Premi]

PART II

Came to know that xyz was hospitalized for weakness. After a few days xyz returned to work and went into my hubz cabin and cried for hours and talked. It seems mrsxyz had left him for good. 5 years of marriage down the drain and it involved a child. Reason, couldnt get along. mrsxyz I am calling her A for now claimed that xyz was too dominating. He would insult her in front of in laws etc. He once even raised his hands at her in walmart in front of his parents and sister just because she said she didnt liek the carpet color the in laws had chosen and many such things.

My analysis- She ignored and tolerated all these things without any murmur and then it exploded like a dormant volcano.

The divorce was so bad. It went on for years like 8 years. She was hell bent on making him pay for everything. She was on a venomous rampage. They both spend 300000USD on divorce lawyers and counselors all in vain. Her family was so dead against him. Horrible divorce. Even her lawyer said that this is the longest divorce case she has ever dealt with :(

But xyz rose to the occassion. Instead of channelizing all his negative energy and distress into bad habits like drinking, he read software books voraciously. He plays synth so well that he started creating music albums and shifting all his pain into his music. From a small GUI developer he is now a successful Enterprise SOA architect minting money. He gathered strength from close friends like us and his family who would not even utter a word about her or bad mouth her to make him feel better. We slowly balanced his thoughts about himself and her.

It all depends on individuals will to rise above the situation or to go deeper into it and get so entangled in it that there is no way out.

Now after 9 years things have smoothened out. There are tiffs but things are much better now between the two atleast they communicate about their kids.

(Not talking about his dominating nature or raising hand at walmart in this thread )

I would say there are only may be less than 10% of guys who could turn all their negative energy into positive like this. he truely is a balanced person and congratulate him on our behalf for taking his life to this level.

rest 90% can learn from it. only people who are left with nothing can do it I guess those who has some money left in their bank and they know they ll survive on that they dont take pain on reforming themselves like this and hence drinking drugs and stuff.

[Premi]

was it true? did he really hit her in the walmart in front of her parents?


should be as prateeksha said cos she knows this story from guys mouth ..if that was told by the girl then you can say she is making that up or something but if guy himself is telling about it then...

[tapasvi]

i don't get it. why are you praising him? :confused: seems to me that she was the sufferer and he was the reason for it. he is the reason for the separation. right? may be he did not like her from the start. may be he was shedding magar ka aansu. he not showing signs of sorrow means he had no regret or remorse for what happened. :rolleyes:

Premi, here is the story of my husbands dear friend for 20+ years. I know him for 10+ years now. He and his son is our only family in US.

PART I:

When I got married and came to US, my husbands friend lets call him XYZ and his wife with their 4 month old son were the only people I knew. Both XYZ and Mrs XYZ were true friends, warm, kind, helpful. As a friend both XYZ and Mrs XYZ were great individually. I will not find faults in them individually.

Their son turned one the same year I had gotten married. On their sons birthday lets call him S, we were invited to a temple and it was a grand function.

But soon after that we came to know that Mrs XYZ left to another state for vacation(she was a working mom). Months passed and we didnt see XYZ nor did we see Mrs XYZ. We even asked xyz'z sister about his whereabouts.

Will pen down the story when I get to office during lunch time.

-------------------------------------------
Sorry we had a luncheon..
PART II

Came to know that xyz was hospitalized for weakness. After a few days xyz returned to work and went into my hubz cabin and cried for hours and talked. It seems mrsxyz had left him for good. 5 years of marriage down the drain and it involved a child. Reason, couldnt get along. mrsxyz I am calling her A for now claimed that xyz was too dominating. He would insult her in front of in laws etc. He once even raised his hands at her in walmart in front of his parents and sister just because she said she didnt liek the carpet color the in laws had chosen and many such things.

My analysis- She ignored and tolerated all these things without any murmur and then it exploded like a dormant volcano.

The divorce was so bad. It went on for years like 8 years. She was hell bent on making him pay for everything. She was on a venomous rampage. They both spend 300000USD on divorce lawyers and counselors all in vain. Her family was so dead against him. Horrible divorce. Even her lawyer said that this is the longest divorce case she has ever dealt with :(

But xyz rose to the occassion. Instead of channelizing all his negative energy and distress into bad habits like drinking, he read software books voraciously. He plays synth so well that he started creating music albums and shifting all his pain into his music. From a small GUI developer he is now a successful Enterprise SOA architect minting money. He gathered strength from close friends like us and his family who would not even utter a word about her or bad mouth her to make him feel better. We slowly balanced his thoughts about himself and her.

It all depends on individuals will to rise above the situation or to go deeper into it and get so entangled in it that there is no way out.

Now after 9 years things have smoothened out. There are tiffs but things are much better now between the two atleast they communicate about their kids.

[Pratiksha]

- Like I said I have tried to sum up everything in this post in a hurry.

-If you know each one of them personally as friends they are gem of a person.

- She was a strong headed person too.

- He didnt hit her once. No physical abuse. :nono: But had raised his hand at her once in front of HIS parents and sister.

- She kept mum for such a long time. And then one fine day she planned all this with her visiting grandma (she was with them for two months) and left him without even saying good bye with the pretense that she was going on a vacation to her mothers.

- HIS mistake took too many things for granted.(IMHO)

- HER mistake she wasn't verbal about her feelings and failed to stand for herself.(IMHO)

Communication is vital in a marriage to succeed. Even if it may cause a little argument, both have to clear the air (no pun intended).

[Sane Less]

was it true? did he really hit her in the walmart in front of her parents?
heyyyyyy... raising hands is not the same as hitting. I raise my hands all the time:D

[raniraja]

heyyyyyy... raising hands is not the same as hitting. I raise my hands all the time:DYour wife must be pulling a gun on you very often :D
"Freeze... Hands up!"

[amritvani]

heyyyyyy... raising hands is not the same as hitting. I raise my hands all the time:D

raising hand is equally bad as hitting, it implies a physical recourse to something that should instead be resolved by other means.

[Sane Less]

raising hand is equally bad as hitting, it implies a physical recourse to something that should instead be resolved by other means.
But not all hands are raised to indicate hitting:mad:. Check Ranjipaani pai's response for other possible reasons:D

[Rakhi]

what makes you think I am a teenager?:D

Mein aapkeliya ek achi ladki laavoon? bahut hein mujh jaise Canada mein:).


Kidding.

[raniraja]

Mein aapkeliya ek achi ladki laavoon? bahut hein mujh jaise Canada mein:). What kind of racket are you running? :mad:

:smartass:

[Rakhi]

What kind of racket are you running? :mad:

:smartass:

aap toh buraa maan gaye. Chalo aapkeliya bhi dhoond leti hoon :).

No, I am not drunk. I am at work. Just for fun RR.

[Premi]

What kind of racket are you running? :mad:

:smartass:


:rotfl::rotfl:


:smartass:

[raniraja]

aap toh buraa maan gaye. Chalo aapkeliya bhi dhoond leti hoon :).
Just for fun RR.Agreed. I have nothing against you finding someone for me just for fun :smartass:

[amritvani]

But not all hands are raised to indicate hitting:mad:. Check Ranjipaani pai's response for other possible reasons:D

Okay. I meant raising a hand to indicate hitting was unacceptable.

[amritvani]

Mein aapkeliya ek achi ladki laavoon? bahut hein mujh jaise Canada mein:).


Kidding.


Why are you suddenly turning to Hindi?

[raniraja]

Why are you suddenly turning to Hindi?I have always preferred to post in our Rashtrabhasha, but you imported items were not ready for it yet :D

[Rakhi]

Why are you suddenly turning to Hindi?

I finished my work soon today. So now i have time to think in Hindi and write in english. But some people here claim that i dont know how to speak Hindi.

[Sane Less]

aap toh buraa maan gaye. Chalo aapkeliya bhi dhoond leti hoon :).

No, I am not drunk. I am at work. Just for fun RR.
How about one for me too, Rakihi tai... just for fun. Can you check if that echan whose family is into bigtime diamond trading with real-estate contstruction on the side... can you check to see if she is single? Just thinking of the dowry is blowing up my mind:D

[razzrhino]

I finished my work soon today. So now i have time to think in Hindi and write in english. But some people here claim that i dont know how to speak Hindi.

tum pahala paani peevo fir durendar bhai ke liye lodki laavenge

[dhurandhar]

Mein aapkeliya ek achi ladki laavoon? bahut hein mujh jaise Canada mein:).


Kidding.

pm me your picture. You are assuming that I would find you attractive:D

[Anonymous]

pm me your picture. You are assuming that I would find you attractive:D
:D
or may be put up the pic here with a public poll "beautiful or not". your vote can be seen once you vote.

[Rakhi]

pm me your picture. You are assuming that I would find you attractive:D

I never spoke about beautiful/attractive. I said Achi ladki (nice girl) :D.

[raniraja]

I never spoke about beautiful/attractive. I said Achi ladki (nice girl) :D.Aha.. a not-so-beautiful girl !!! Just my type (http://www.echarcha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35503).

[amritvani]

Aha.. a not-so-beautiful girl !!! Just my type (http://www.echarcha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=35503).

excellent. so what next? test drive?

[Sane Less]

Ye thread divorce se marriage tak kaise pahunch gaya:confused:

[raniraja]

ye thread divorce se marriage tak kaise pahunch gaya:confused:कच्चे धागे का बंधन है बाबू

[razzrhino]

excellent. so what next? test drive?

jin jin ka marriage hua hai unka divorce karaake chodega lagta hai:D

[raniraja]

jin jin ka marriage hua hai unka divorce karaake chodega lagta hai:DAur jin jin ka divorce hua hai unko? :scratch:

[Premi]

Ye thread divorce se marriage tak kaise pahunch gaya:confused:


divorce ki shuruaat toh marriage se hi hoti hai.

Emotions, feelings, trust, love, respect, responsibility, care, understanding nature, tolerance everything are being tested in a marriage to work. one less and one more divorce.

:)

[Premi]

Aur jin jin ka divorce hua hai unko? :scratch:


unko to test drive milegi hi ... ladki levaane ka proposal to mil hi gaya jaldi hi lagwaane ka bhi milega :smartass: :smartass:

asli marad niraash na hoN ... register karen Echarcha.com pe... :rotfl:


P.S. Is it Friday afternoon.

[raniraja]

P.S. Is it Friday afternoon.Aur abhi se behki behki baatein shuru ho gayi? :dontknow: Lagta hai ki aaj jaldi shuru ho gaya hai :smartass:

[dhurandhar]

I never spoke about beautiful/attractive. I said Achi ladki (nice girl) :D.

Alright...just post imgur link to what you think is a sample of nice girl:D

[amritvani]

Alright...just post imgur link to what you think is a sample of nice girl:D

Ye sample kahan se aya? Rakhi mentioned a nice girl like her so Anonypai wants to see the pic of Rakhigaru... let us not dilute it...

[echarcha]

Congratulations on winning crown of the week. You are first time winner :up:

[sprite]

Externally for first few months

1. Hit a gym and get in shape
2.Go partying and pubbing
3. Get in touch with lost friends and start visiting them/relatives/parents often

Emotionally...well can't say....only a man/woman who has been there and done that can talk on this delicate subject better....

[badriprasad]

Amritji and Pratikhshaji ... let me come back in couple of hours ... because of early inductions, doctrines, and conditioning ... we almost always start sympathising with the woman ... shocking so often when you end up feeling sorry for the guy. Often is becoming more often now is what I am saying.

later


Sorry ... forgot all about this thread ... I was to add.

Divorces devastate men much more than women. Like Premiji mentioned in main post or somewhere ... men go to bar and get drunk to forget the sorrow. Seldom to men share pain and sorrow of separation or causes even with best of mates. Not so with the women. Women need not take to alcohol or bars. Women are into networking.

Old adage that women cannot keep a secret is not an exaggeration, its a fact. Don't laugh ... your wife or your girlfriend is telling secrets to her network of friends which she will never share with you. Not that she doesn't trust you, its just something women do. This is not about love or faithfulness ... this is about a woman's need to network her problems, some real and some imagined. Thats how nature equipped women. Unfortunate part of a woman's strength in networking and solidarity is often also the cause of many break-ups and separations. This is the saddest part. A woman need to be very careful while networking ... so her her network doesn't become the source of seed of discontent in her own life.

Back home here in India ... a woman's network consists of like-minded women. Such is not the case among you living in foreign lands.

Later ...

[Premi]

Congratulations on winning crown of the week. You are first time winner :up:


thanks .. chhoti si :rap: humari taraf se :rep:

[Premi]

Sorry ... forgot all about this thread ... I was to add. OFFCOURSE :mad:

Divorces devastate men much more than women. Like Premiji mentioned in main post or somewhere ... men go to bar and get drunk to forget the sorrow. Seldom to men share pain and sorrow of separation or causes even with best of mates. Not so with the women. Women need not take to alcohol or bars. Women are into networking.

and sometimes if you got no friends and after divorce you start looking for friends and networking to share ur pain and sorrows then women might end up getting in even worse situations. men are capable of bearing pain and sorrows .. more than women but it takes a lot to come out of this for them whereas women come out of it earlier than men, I ve seen.

Old adage that women cannot keep a secret is not an exaggeration, its a fact. Don't laugh ... your wife or your girlfriend is telling secrets to her network of friends which she will never share with you. Not that she doesn't trust you, its just something women do. This is not about love or faithfulness ... this is about a woman's need to network her problems, some real and some imagined. Thats how nature equipped women. Unfortunate part of a woman's strength in networking and solidarity is often also the cause of many break-ups and separations. This is the saddest part. A woman need to be very careful while networking ... so her her network doesn't become the source of seed of discontent in her own life.

May be, but being her bestest friend I get to know the secrets first then her friends. I guess thats the best way to keep it simple. All the problems start when you hide some feelings in a relationship. .. I mean every realtionship. you are mad at ur parents tell them what you didnt like ,... you respect them a lot for raising you to become what you are now but if you feel something tell them good or bad let them decide ... I see so many replies where people are not easy going with one of their parents mostly fathers so better talk to them straight. its never late. So if you are now intelligent enough to take kids-parents relationship to another level, for sure you can take ur personal love relation which you made as grown-up to highest level of trust and devotion in the friendship.

Back home here in India ... back home .......in India :D .....a woman's network consists of like-minded women. Such is not the case among you living in foreign lands.

Later ...


................................

[Premi]

Externally for first few months

1. Hit a gym and get in shape

Is getting married and not staying fit co-related. I mean why go to gym and stay fit after divorce.

2.Go partying and pubbing.. who was stopping him earlier.. may be one of the causes for divorce WAS partying and pubbing.

3. Get in touch with lost friends and start visiting them/relatives/parents often. Offcourse yes..valid point ..a nice way to vent out emotional distress.


Emotionally...well can't say....only a man/woman who has been there and done that can talk on this delicate subject better....

women needs only # 3 as well for the emotional support as well as men. I guess.

[sprite]

women needs only # 3 as well for the emotional support as well as men. I guess.

yaar...hitting gym is a stress-buster + socializing place + concentrating on own-self kinds + men believe that getting in shape is important to get 'next' woman...

partying and pubbing is also a stress-buster + how many times a guy goes to partying/pubbing 'alone' after getting married (at any age)