To get some of those Monday blues away

[Sane Less]

Are all mondays so boring on echarcha... have noticed this the short while I have been here... mondays are very boring... and so starting this thread to blow some of those blues aways... Termi pai... maaf karde yaar, agar repeat ho tho...

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Santa got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?, says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven."
"You're sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

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Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw his cigarette butt down the manhole and tried to step on it.

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Santa was painting the house when banta came up and said, "Got a good hold on that brush?"
"Yep."
"Well, if you are sure you got a good hold on that brush I'll borrow your ladder for a second."
"O.K. but don't keep it long. The handle of this paint brush is kind of slippery."

[Sane Less]

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote: How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote: I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!

[Sane Less]

HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL

1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop the pill in its mouth.

2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp & pill from under sofa.

3. Follow same proceedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand & back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.

4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (resist impulse to get new cat.)

5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw & pop pill in - quickly! Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you are doing. That's just as well.

6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.

7 If you are a woman, have a good cry. If you are a man, have a good cry.

8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat & pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the the boss here anyway?"
Open cat's mouth, take pill & ....Oooops!

9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse & think. Aha! Those flashing calws a re causing the chaos.

10. Crawl to the linen closet. Drag back a large beach towl. Spread towel on floor.

11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter & pill from potted plant.

12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.

13. Flatten cat's front & back legs over its stomach. (resist impulse to flatten cat.)

14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time & tabbies wait for no man - or woman!

15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.

16. Drop pill into cat's mouth & poke gently. Voila! It's done!

17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).

18. Take two asprins & lie down.

:D

[Sane Less]

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

[Sane Less]

Increase your knowledge... some you may already know (you are so wise)... some may be new (you are a great learner)... and again... Termi pai, maaf karna yaar... please...

1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.

2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.

8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A mechanic.

9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut.

11) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:
"Are you in?"

12) The three words women hate to hear most during sex:
"Honey, I'm home!"

[Sane Less]

One day this guy strolls into a bar and strolls up to the bartender and says to him, "My friend told me that I can find some prime entertainment here for pretty cheap. Would you know anything about that?"

"Sure, " says the bartender, "How much are you willing to spend?"

"I'm kind of broke this week, but I've got twenty dollars," the guy says.

"I'll tell you what leave your twenty dollars on the bar, go down that hall there and take the first door on your right," the bartender tells the man with a smile.

So the man leaves his money on the counter and walks down the hall and goes into the room. The room is empty except for a bed and a small dresser. The man takes off his clothes and waits on the bed. After a little while a small panel opens up on one side of the room and a chicken runs out and starts running around the room. The guy just sits there thinking that this wasn't what he had in mind, but that it would have to do. So the guy jumps up catches the chicken and starts to screw it. When he is done he dresses himself and leaves the bar.

The guy comes back to the bar the next week and goes up the bartender again and says, "This week I brought some more money, but I want something better if you know what I mean. I'll pay for the best entertainment that you've got."

The bartender tells the guy to leave $80 on the counter and to go upstairs down the hall and to take the first door on the right. So the man does and when he opens the door to the room there is a circle of chairs around a bare floor. All the seats are filled except for one seat which the man decides to take. After a while the floor opens up in the center of the circle of chairs and there are two lesbians going at it down in the room below. The women are rubbing and prodding and caressing each other and all the guys in the room get really turned on and watch the whole thing until the lesbians are done. Then the floor closes back up and people start to get up to leave.

The man says to one of the other guys as they are leaving, "Man that was really something. That's what I call entertainment."

"No", says the guy back, "you should have been here last week, some guy was screwing a chicken."

[dollyg]

Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw his cigarette butt down the manhole and tried to step on it.
"
Wondering if u know...sikh religion does not allow smoking or consuming tobacco in any form.

[Sane Less]

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot in a pet store. The parrot squawked at her, "Hey lady, you are REALLY ugly!"

As you can well imagine, the lady was furious! She stormed past the store to her job.

On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and he boomed, "Hey lady, you are REALLY ugly!"

Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same thing, "Hey lady, you are REALLY ugly!"

She became so incensed that she barreled into the store and screamed that she would sue the store and single-handedly kill the bird.

The store manager tried to placate her and promised that the parrot would never say it again.

When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot looked at her, blinked and said, "Hey lady."

She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know!"

[Sane Less]

Wondering if u know...sikh religion does not allow smoking or consuming tobacco in any form.

yeah right... and ROP does not allow killing of innocent people :D

[Cancer]

yeah right... and ROP does not allow killing of innocent people :D

O boy :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Sane Less]

"Daddy, how much do you make an hour?" With a timid voice and idolizing eyes, the little boy greeted his father as he returned from work. Greatly surprised, but giving his boy a glaring look, the father said: "Look, sonny, not even your mother knows that. Don't bother me now, I'm tired."

"But Daddy, just tell me please! How much do you make an hour," the boy insisted. The father, finally giving up, replied: "Twenty dollars per hour." "Okay, Daddy. Could you loan me ten dollars?" the boy asked. Showing his restlessness and positively disturbed, the father yelled: "So that was the reason you asked how much I earn, right? Go to sleep and don't bother me anymore!"

It was already dark and the father was meditating on what he said and was feeling guilty. Maybe he thought , his son wanted to buy something. Finally, trying to ease his mind, the father went to his son's room. "Are you asleep, son?" asked the father. "No, Daddy. Why?" Replied the boy, partially asleep. "Here's the money asked for earlier, " the father said.

"Thanks, Daddy!" rejoiced the son, while putting his hand under his pillow and removing some money. "Now I have enough! Now I have twenty dollars!" the boy said to his father, who was gazing at his son, confused at what his son had just said.

"Daddy, could you sell me one hour of your time?" Time is too precious to spend it all on work !

Appreciate your love ones and don't take them for granted :)

But if you are earning just 20 dollars an hour, you better spend that hour on echarcha :D

[dollyg]

yeah right... and ROP does not allow killing of innocent people :D
This is not funny. Really.

[Sane Less]

This is not funny. Really.

What is not funny:confused: My comment or your comment:confused: Was I not serious or were you serious:confused: Care to elaborate?

[dollyg]

What is not funny:confused: My comment or your comment:confused: Was I not serious or were you serious:confused: Care to elaborate?
Actually i was serious. I have sikh roots. And though I can take jokes in good humor. This kind of stuff gets just too much. I'm sure its just lack of awareness that makes people run such stuff as jokes ...

[Sane Less]

Actually i was serious. I have sikh roots. And though I can take jokes in good humor. This kind of stuff gets just too much. I'm sure its just lack of awareness that makes people run such stuff as jokes ...

I really do not know whether to :rotfl: at your comment or :cry: :confused:

But since you have nibbled, where in the entire Santa/Banta joke post is it mentioned that they are sikhs:confused: C'mon Dolli tai, you should have better self-esteem... you have progressed so much...

And to be serious, I have quite a few sikh friends who smoke. What should I tell them?

[dollyg]

I really do not know whether to :rotfl: at your comment or :cry: :confused:

But since you have nibbled, where in the entire Santa/Banta joke post is it mentioned that they are sikhs:confused: C'mon Dolli tai, you should have better self-esteem... you have progressed so much...

And to be serious, I have quite a few sikh friends who smoke. What should I tell them?

Sane, don't want to spoil the mood of this otherwise good thread with arguing about this. I quoted a fact. To believe or not is ur choice.
I dont define progress the way you do.... I have seen brahman's eat beef and pork in US... that doesnt define their religion though, does it?

[Sane Less]

Sane, don't want to spoil the mood of this otherwise good thread with arguing about this. I quoted a fact. To believe or not is ur choice.
I dont define progress the way you do.... I have seen brahman's eat beef and pork in US... that doesnt define their religion though, does it?

Sorry Doll tai, misconceptions and misunderstandings... when I said progress, I meant from an individual perspective... not from religious or cultural perspectives. To be hurt or to feel bad at every little kaanta... and that too in humour threads... I am sure all mature religions advise against that.

If you wanted to advice us about religious sentiments, you should have started a thread for that, with links to specific comments (from here and elsewhere) that hurt you. Then maybe we could have had a serious discussion, with you enlightening us about this great religion of yours... and me (and others) rebuffing and showing you that one other religion is greater than yours... than we all together bashing the other more popular (forever increasing and spreading) religion in today's world :) But by posting a comment right here, and that too about smoking... you just made it 3 much :D

And don't worry about spoiling this thread (now... ab tho baj gayi thread ki)... this is exactly what I was looking for on this boring day... in all those other threads :D

[dirty]

Actually i was serious. I have sikh roots. And though I can take jokes in good humor. This kind of stuff gets just too much. I'm sure its just lack of awareness that makes people run such stuff as jokes ...

Dolly . I know that sikh religion prohibits use of tobacco in any form but sweety this is a joke and nowhere does it say in that joke that santa ( not santra ) is a sikh.
So loosen up a bit

[dollyg]

Sorry Doll tai, misconceptions and misunderstandings... when I said progress, I meant from an individual perspective... not from religious or cultural perspectives. To be hurt or to feel bad at every little kaanta... and that too in humour threads... I am sure all mature religions advise against that.
If you wanted to advice us about religious sentiments, you should have started a thread for that, with links to specific comments (from here and elsewhere) that hurt you. Then maybe we could have had a serious discussion, with you enlightening us about this great religion of yours... and me (and others) rebuffing and showing you that one other religion is greater than yours... than we all together bashing the other more popular (forever increasing and spreading) religion in today's world :) But by posting a comment right here, and that too about smoking... you just made it 3 much :D

And don't worry about spoiling this thread (now... ab tho baj gayi thread ki)... this is exactly what I was looking for on this boring day... in all those other threads :D

Sane get a hold on urself. Intelligence without rationality doesn't become you.

[dollyg]

Dolly . I know that sikh religion prohibits use of tobacco in any form but sweety this is a joke and nowhere does it say in that joke that santa ( not santra ) is a sikh.
So loosen up a bit
i know dirty bhai ... main kaunsa conflict karne tuli thi. i just mentioned as FYI one-liner. but this guy has to say something like "yeah right... and ROP are prohibited from killing people" and such moronic things and create a flare up.

[Sane Less]

Sane get a hold on urself. Intelligence without rationality doesn't become you.

Now you are making it 4 much, Dolgi tai :D please stop... or else I will have to :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

i know dirty bhai ... main kaunsa conflict karne tuli thi. i just mentioned as FYI one-liner. but this guy has to say something like "yeah right... and ROP are prohibited from killing people" and such moronic things and create a flare up.

You are such a trip, Doll tai :D somebody... hold me... thanks for changing such a boring day into so much fun :rotfl:

[Napolean]

Sane,thanks for the honest effort.
Continue posting.
dolly,control yaar!!
Sane,if you don't mind,joke on some other name.
Kya yaar,joke hi to hai!!

[Napolean]

Now you are making it 4 much, Dolgi tai :D please stop... or else I will have to :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:



You are such a trip, Doll tai :D somebody... hold me... thanks for changing such a boring day into so much fun :rotfl:
I will be glad to hold you....Come a little nearer!!

[DeeMan]

Wondering if u know...sikh religion does not allow smoking or consuming tobacco in any form.
Yet they happily consume Beer and other alcoholic drinks.

[sarv_shaktimaan]

Yet they happily consume Beer and other alcoholic drinks.
abe tu kyon aata hai beech mein....:smash:

kya khatarnaak monday blues chaalu kiya hai...... sane pai has taken panga with sikh jattan dolly tai...abhi kirpan aur trishul chalenge eCharcha pe....:D

[lets_talkus]

More than anything else dolly tai ur just proving the worst fact they say bout santa and banta..they are idiots :D :D are u related :clap:

[Sane Less]

I will be glad to hold you....Come a little nearer!!

(saneless moves closer to Nappi pai, Nappi pai holds him... saneless holds him back... and pretty soon they are all over each other. Dolgi tai watches with her mouth wide open... saneless just reaches out and pulls her and Durti pai over into the group and all four are now rolling over each other, kissing and hugging... and all the bad feelings of the boring monday are all forgotten... and a peaceful bliss exists as they all light up cheroots and lay back and watch the starry night sky.)

Deimi pai, Letsti pai... stay out of this please... it is just a small tiff with my dear Dlogi tai... she was just helping me get over this dreadful day in her own sweet way. Koi kirpan, trishul nahi chalenge, Sarvsi pai... this will not progress more than this... (unless Doli tai wants to take this on and on and on... after all she used 3 descriptive words, intelligence, rationality and moronic in just 2 posts and when those are used to describe saneless, all hell breaks loose :D)