Friday Thread for August 19

[padhu]

One of the frequent questions by students of psychology is:
"Please explain the chain between Provocation, Irritation,
Aggravation and Frustration?

The following explains:

One day Parvez Musharruf, who has a business of selling Iron rods, was sitting in office and got a call.

Vajpayee : "SALIYA (Iron ROD) HAI? "
Parvez : "HAI."
Vajpayee : "GAND ME DAL LE" and the he disconnected the call
-- this is Provocation

Again on the next day parvez got a call...
Vajpayee : "SALIYA HAI ?"
Parvez (trying to be smart): "NAHI HAI"
Vajpayee : "GAND ME DAL DIA KYA ?" and the he disconnected the call
-- this is Irritation

On the third day again parvez got the call from Atal Bihari...
Vajpayee : "SALIYA HAI?"
Parvez (trying to be oversmart) : "HAI BHI OR NAHI BHI"
Vajpayee : "ANDER BAHAR KAR RAHA HAI KYA?" and he disconnects the call
-- this is Aggravation

The next day Parvez thinks of taking revenge.. so he calls up Atal Bihari.
Parvez : "SALIYA HAI?"
Vajpayee : "KYON? GAAND MEIN DALNA HAI KYA?"
-- this is Frustration

[DesiBaba]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[krishna]

That is hillarious :D

[TerminatorJR]

Sometimes......when you cry....... no one sees your tears ........
Sometimes......when you are worried....... no one sees your pain ........
Sometimes......when you are happy....... no one sees your smile ........
But fart just one time........

[Desi24]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

[padhu]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[Desi24]

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

[padhu]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: too good desi24

[TerminatorJR]

An attractive woman from NEW YORK was driving through a remote part of TEXAS when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.

"Nothing," shrugged the woman, "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback........"

[padhu]

Some Late-Night Jokes About Bush's Record-Setting 2005 Vacation

"President Bush is going on his annual vacation. The White House says he goes to his Texas Ranch to unwind. I'm thinking, when does he wind?" --David Letterman

"As you know, President Bush is taking 5 weeks off. It's like he's still in the National Guard." --Jay Leno

"It turns out President Bush can run again in the next election. Now I know you're only supposed to be allowed two terms, but the Supreme Court said if you count his vacation time, he's barely served one." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is on a five-week vacation. How many folks get five weeks off a year? You know, if I want five weeks off I have to have open heart surgery, for God's sake." --David Letterman

"The president jumped on a plane to start a five-week vacation. This will be the longest presidential vacation in 36 years. This means President Bush has now been on vacation for 27% of his presidency. That means the country could be 27% more screwed up than it already is." --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush is at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, and here's the good news -- he says he will only stay until Crawford is capable of self rule." --David Letterman

"Bush woke up this morning, saw his shadow and now -- six more weeks of vacation." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is vacationing in Crawford, Texas. He will be vacationing for five weeks. That's a long time. I don't think he has an exit strategy for his vacation either." --David Letterman

"Now is a great time for President Bush to go on vacation because Iraq is pretty much under control. But a White House spokesman said Bush is using his vacation to reconnect with regular people. So you know what that means -- he's drinking again." --David Letterman

"After President Bush signed the new transportation bill, he said it's not just enough to sign the bill -- people have to show up and do the work. Then he went back to his five-week vacation." --Jay Leno

"President Bush still having his five-week vacation. Today President Bush announced he is going to leave his ranch in Texas to visit Idaho for two days. However, Bush told his supporters, 'Don't worry, I won't do any work there either.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush is on week three of his marathon five-week vacation. In fact, he has been gone on vacation for so long that today in Washington, a judge ruled that a young couple with two children can now legally move into the White House because it appears to have been abandoned by its previous tenants." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is on a five-week vacation. From what? President Bush, before he went on vacation, he signed a bill that will extend daylight savings another month. He said it proves we're winning the war on darkness" --David Letterman

"President Bush is now in the second week of his five-week vacation down there in Crawford, Texas. He's been taking a lot of criticism for this long vacation and his aides say he has his laptop with him so he can still play Solitaire and Minesweep -- so it's business as usual." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is taking his summer vacation. It's a five-week vacation. This is his fiftieth vacation in the last five years -- that's about the national average isn't it? During his five-week vacation, he will continue to receive national security briefings. He won't be reading them, but he will receive them." --David Letterman

"President Bush talked tough today. He said he's not backing out, he's staying the course for as long as it takes. He's in it for the long haul. Not Iraq -- his 5-week vacation." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people are every critical of President Bush for taking the entire month of August off for his vacation. But his staff points out, there's nothing at the White House he can't do at the ranch because the ranch is fully equipped. It's got the treadmill, the weight room, the jogging path, the big screen TV, they get Nickelodeon. It's got everything he would do." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is on a three-week vacation down in Crawford, Texas, and it's what they call a working vacation. And staff say it is an important time because it's time for him to kick back. And I'm thinking, when does this guy kick forward?" --David Letterman

"So Congress is on recess and Bush is on vacation -- the town is empty. It's so lonely in D.C. right now the NRA and the oil lobby are just giving money to each other." --Jay Leno

Late-Night Jokes About Bush's First Term Vacations

"President Bush was re-elected and today he hit the ground vacationing." --David Letterman

"How many of you get a month vacation? Well President Bush will be getting his month-long vacation. The White House is calling it a 'working vacation.' And I am thinking, well that pretty much describes the entire presidency, doesn't it? ... Bush says he is going to be very active, he plans to exercise every day. And he says he exercise every day because it clears his head. Hey, mission accomplished." —David Letterman

"The Washington Post reported that if you add up all the time Bush has spent in Texas, he's there for a whole month. Then you add up all the time he spends at Camp David, and his parents house in Maine and add up all the travel time getting to and from these places, and it adds up to 42 percent of his presidency. In fact, he'd actually have to win a second term just to complete his first term." —Jay Leno

"As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings." —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think about it. But President Bush, he doesn't do it for the money, he does it for the eight months of vacation every year." —Jay Leno

[AmthaLal]

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "Potentially" and "reality"?"

Dad: "I will show you"

Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?

Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!

Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?

Daughter:" Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with, Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?

Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"

So the father turns back to his younger son saying:" You see son, "Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.

[Alibaba]

Youngest Son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "Potentially" and "reality"?"

Dad: "I will show you"

Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars"?

Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity"!

Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?

Daughter:" Wow! Yes! he is my fantasy!"

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with, Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars"?

Elder Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!"

So the father turns back to his younger son saying:" You see son, "Potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "Reality" we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.
LOL.. :D:D:D Nice one Amtha pai!!

-----

Khudko karke buland itna chadha banda jaise taise...

Khudko karke buland itna chadha banda jaise taise...

Khudko karke buland itna chadha banda jaise taise...


Uske baadme Khuda ne poocha.... abe bol bhai.... abhi utrega kaise??

[TerminatorJR]

Can You Figure These Out?
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to
choose between three rooms. The first is full of
raging fires, the second is full of assassins with
loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that
haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for
him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him
under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs
him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together
and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this
be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use
it, and gray when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using
the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how
quickly you can find out what is so unusual about
it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was
wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It
is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but
you still may not find anything odd. But if you work
at it a bit, you might find out. Try to do so
without any coaching!



DON'T PEEK..............................






































ANSWERS:


1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three
years are dead.

2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture
of her husband, developed it and hung it up to dry.

3. Charcoal

4. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

5. The letter "e," which is the most common letter
in the English language, does not appear once in the
long paragraph

[Alibaba]

Hmm... nice post TJR pai..!! Had to stress my brain after such a long time...... for a fun cause that is! :p ;)

[Alibaba]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked
up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different
colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just
stared and stared. Every time the young man looked, the old man
was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the
matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without
batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex
with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son."

[ShivSainik]

You just gotta love Johnny

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a
development that is currently being built near your home and what are the
advantages of this new development." At the end of the class, the teacher
asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your
parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that
for tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking
you all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything that appears
rude, to get up and leave the class room"

Everybody agreed to this plan.


Next day, teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead
Anna"

Anna: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't
have to walk so far to get bread and milk."

Teacher: "Very good Anna! Yes Koosie!"

Koosie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is
a carpenter and this permits him to work near home"

Teacher: "Excellent, thank you Koosie!"

At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the teacher asks:

"Oh heavens, tell me Johnny what new development is being built near your
home."

Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel" As all the
young ladies get up and proceed to leave, Little Johnny says, "Hey relax
you little whores, it hasn't opened yet!"

[Alibaba]

If you guys know the rules of Kaun Banega Crorepati... you'll enjoy this one! In the "phone a friend" lifeline, Amitabh Bachchan calls an aquaintance of a person sitting on the Hot seat.. this joke is inspired from the concept of "phone a friend"

------

Congratulations! Main Amitabh Bachchan baat kar raha hoon "Kaun Banega Garbhvati" se.. Aap ki girlfriend mere hot seat pe baithi he.. Aap ko unse baat karneke liye 30 seconds milenge.. agli awaaj aap ke girlfriend ki...

Aaaahh.... ooohh yeah.. uuuuhhh.... aaaahhh...

[Cooldude]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked
up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different
colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just
stared and stared. Every time the young man looked, the old man
was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the
matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without
batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex
with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son."

That was a fitting reply Ali!! :rotfl:

[TerminatorJR]

THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!

Say the word COW before each word.

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look


Now say the word COW After each word

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look

Now say the word COW before AND after each word.

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look

Now read just the words upwards from the bottom.

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4- Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look

Gotcha!!!

[echarcha]

I have something more funny and its from real life :rotfl:
http://www.echarcha.com/forum/showthread.php?t=21004

[Desi24]

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

[Desi24]

Do you know what Rodeo Sex is?

It's when you mount your woman from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was better than you...", and try to hold on for 8 seconds!

[TerminatorJR]

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"
ha ha :rotfl: nice one.

[dawizard]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked
up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different
colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just
stared and stared. Every time the young man looked, the old man
was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the
matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without
batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex
with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son."
hehehe hillarious ali!

[Alibaba]

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"
Nice one Desi pai..!! :D